it’s going to be okay

Once again, Marie Forleo has wise words:

I have had a busy time. From coming back last week to full days of classes, it’s been hectic to say the least. I am grateful to see the weekend but tomorrow, I am going to a dialysis center because my tutor in charge recommends we go there. It’s going to be a thirty minute drive to the place so that’s going to be a moderately awkward drive. haha. I’ll probably write about it tomorrow.

Anyway, being home was good. I love home. Yesterday was my dad’s birthday and I missed it because I’m here. It kinda sucks because I’m usually the one who gets very hyped up about presents and baking nice things for the birthday person; I’m ridiculous that way. I think the next time I go back will be for the two weeks in June AKA the semester break.

Something strange happened today. My kid-cousin who is twelve this year was posting sad status updates on Facebook and the next thing I know, he posted a ‘I MISS YOU, YOU’RE AN INSPIRATION’ message on my page. It’s really weird because I’m not at all close to him, though in comparison to my brother, I actually bother to talk to him at family gatherings. And because I’m the one who is usually present for family stuff, I guess I’m the closest cousin he has who is not younger than him. Anyway, I sent him a message to see how he was doing, and he claimed that he was ‘fine’ but was just ‘contemplating life after watching TFIOS’. And that he felt bad for being ‘mean’ to me before. (He was a kid, and kids say whatever comes to mind without a filter, so I never really cared about his rubbish before).

AND he started asking me for study tips. It was kinda mind-boggling and for a moment there, I thought I was being trolled. But it seems like he was in earnest, so I just babbled a bit about what worked for when I was 12. It was a weird, surreal experience. Really. He kept going on and on about how I was hardworking and I have no idea where he got that notion from. I’m not that hardworking, I get by. I bet my aunt was nagging him and cited me as an example for some reason.

Again, I cannot believe that happened.

So, what other things happened this week? As part of my GP posting, I have to attend weekly attachments to a private GP clinic. We are suppose to learn via observation and discuss stuff with the doctor we are assigned to. This week, I observed a pregnancy ultrasound and for some reason, I got really psyched about it. I know, it’s a simple procedure and it’s all black and white, but it was one of those moments when you realise that those blurry images on the screen is growing and becoming a person. I could kinda make out the head and the spine even before the doctor explained the images. It’s silly but it was cool(?). It was one of those ‘moments’ that’s hard to explain. 😂

Apart from that, this week’s assignment came back with minimal ‘red marks’ which is a big deal to me. haha. It’s always good to receive validation that your work is satisfactory (Dare i say, possibly, even good? haha).

So yes, I’ve had a busy but rough week (rough: mentally/emotionally). And I am okay. I think it’s good to always remember that it’s going to be okay. Even when it’s bad, it’s likely to be okay. And that people love you and support you. Most things in life can be mended as long as you’re willing to try. Most importantly, do not give up.

Okay, yeah, that last paragraph was a little haphazard. But you know what I mean.

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Five Hours

I just survived a five hour drive from JB to Klang Valley and I’m exhausted. Today itself was kinda taxing because it’s Thursday AKA ‘that special tutor’ day. I actually learned that he and I have a few things in common, which was ridiculous. I mean, he’s smart and he’s a good teacher, but I could do without the additional stress that comes with Thursday classes. Oh well. My assignment this week was sent back with a bunch of red text as always. 😫 I have to work on that this weekend.

The drive up wasn’t too bad. It was great being in the backseats with a friend who loves movies and books as much as I do. We spent about two hours plus talking non-stop about our favourites, spent the other time singing along to the radio. The silences that punctuated these interactions were comfortable, and not awkward at all, thank goodness! I am glad for company I can relate to. It’s not always easy to have conversation that falls into place easily, and today it. It just emphasised how much of an ‘all round great guy’ he is.

I am  back home for the four day weekend and I am so pleased. Avengers 2 (Again!) tomorrow with my family and the rest is up in the air, really. I am thankful to be home and to be comfortable once more. I look forward to some rest.

excuse you

There are few things in life that send me absolutely berserk.

Last night, on our way to church, the two guys my housemate and I go with were talking about how tough their rotation currently is and how doctors who specialise in Obstetrics and Gynaecology tend to not get married young, or at all. They kept going on about how women should marry young, and that it’s okay for men to get married at an older age. One of them said, “It’s worse for women la, cause unlike for men when they’re over 35, our worth goes up.” [yes, structurally, that sentence is not quite sound, but I think you can deduce what it was suppose to convey] That set me of a bit.

“Excuse me, how sexist is that!”

“What do you mean ‘sexist’, Grace??”

“You just said that men are ‘worth’ more than women once they’re over 35.”

“I’m just stating facts. You know what I mean..”

“No, I don’t. Please explain.”

“I don’t want to explain. You’re just gonna get mad.” “Yeah, Grace, you’re so sensitive today. Mood swings, irritability.. hehe”

I refused to speak to them for the next few hours. Number 1: you just implied that a woman is worth less than a man once they hit over 35. Number 2: you are implying that I’m irritated purely because I’m ‘PMS-ing’. Number 3: if you don’t think women are worth less than men, you could have said so. Or apologised. or retracted your statement.

It just annoys me so much that the ‘market value’ of a woman is relient on her age. It annoys me that society CARES about ‘market value’. It annoys me that as stated by my ‘fine’ colleagues, ‘men are worth more as they age’ as compared to women. That is utter rubbish. I cannot believe how bloodyminded some people are when it comes to things like this.

While I can understand that they’re only saying what society has conditioned them to think, it does not mean that they should think it. And to pull a low blow as to say that my irritation was because of my menstrual cycle.. that was beyond cheap.

Who cares if someone gets married below 30? [And before anyone bites my head off about this, I am not saying you should not get married/start a family before 30. Get married/ start a family at any point in time that works for you 🙌] Is it any of your business when a person decides to start a family? I acknowledge that pregnancies below 30 are safer, but does that imply that a woman is of less value just because she decides to put off procreation till she is above that age? Why does an older man have more appeal than an older woman? Just because a man is still functionally able to have kids at an age beyond 60 does not mean that he is of ‘better value’.

So, yes..

A.M.

2

It has been a while since I have taken photos of anything so I thought I would snap a few pictures yesterday morning since my class only started at 9am, instead of the usual 7.30am.

3

yes, part of my slow-mornings involve HeyClaire/Claire Marshall videos. Definitely one of the best edited videos on YouTube. 😍

4

I ran though this box of granola in slightly over a week. Granola + yogurt for breakfast = 👍👍5

Not a staple but I thought a nice cup of hot chocolate would start my day well.1Random shot of the books that keep me company in JB. Mostly Rainbow Rowell with a few of my favourite autobiography-type books. And yes, that’s my ID tag and house keys on the shelf too.

I hope you’re all having a splendid weekend. x

An update

This is week 2 in GP posting and so far, all I have acknowledged is the gaps in my knowledge (word play, ftw). While my tutors have been kind so far (meaning they don’t bully you if you don’t know things), it’s pretty embarassing when you don’t. I have a lot of brushing up to do.

My class today with the tutor I have been ‘complaining’ about went alright. We were early, we got a patient to clerk immediately, my friend who was interviewing said patient managed to get the diagnosis right. It was okay, much much better than last week. Out of the four of us in the group, only two of have him as our tutor in charge, so we both agreed to be efficient and send him our first assignment yesterday (two days before the due date) and he was pleased. But no, of course that meant it came back within two hours of submission with a bunch of comments in varying font sizes (larger if he was more annoyed). While he made no ‘official’ request that we rewrite the assignment, he hinted at it today. So, I fixed what I needed to and sent him the revision.

This was his reply and I swear my heart sang 🙌:

1

He’s the sort of tutor who gives high praise any time you get something right. And when you know how strict and specific he is, praise at any point is such a gift. It does motivate you, to a certain degree.

So, yes, it isn’t too bad anymore. I think we’ve finally been able to achieve a ‘good balance’ in this. Then again, we never quite know where things may go next week. Haha.

I hope you’re all having a good week so far. A few more days till the weekend! 😘

last week’s round-up

As you can probably tell from the last few posts, the stress levels have been rocketing in the past week. And actually, for the last few months since starting Year 4, I’ve had pretty crappy sleep patterns and I’ve been feeling even worse throughout the day. Unfortunately for me, I’ve ended up stress eating and having hormone related acne problems. I don’t normally get pimples but lately, there have been a regular crop. I sometimes can’t tell if it’s just ‘skin changes’ due to age (23 isn’t old, but you never know) or if it is purely due to stress. Perhaps a combination of both.

Suan Li and I made a pact last week to do the 30 Days of Yoga by Adrienne series on YouTube. Basically, we remind each other to do it and inform the other person once you’ve done your part. Say what you want about yoga, but I find that it helps to calm me down a little. I feel better after I do it, and I think it helps to do something ‘positive’ so you feel better about yourself in general. Yay for teamwork and yay for being better. It’s good to have a teammate in this. 😊

Last Thursday’s session wasn’t all peaches and cream. The one thing I can say for this tutor so far is that he’s pretty particular. He was annoyed we didn’t get a patient sooner, he was ticked off that we were inefficient. There was just a lot of things going on on that day that just caused the whole situation to be a mess. Needless to say, we were all emotionally exhausted. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a good doctor and a good tutor. It was just a bad situation.

Anyway, here’s to a good week ahead and better sleep. xx