I was going to make a video but I no longer have time 

It has been a month since I last posted anything and significant things have happened-
1. I had my job interview

2. I graduated officially-ceremony and everything

3. My mom fractured her shoulder in a freak accident at home

4. I leave home in 8 days because I have my job posting

So the third thing is the biggest one of all really. It’s been approximately 5 weeks since it happened and it’s been an adjustment for all.
I thought I’d go through the things I’ve learned in during this time in a video but I don’t have the time to sit down and make anything because of the fourth thing. Everything is a rush and a haze because I am juggling work (I am doing my mom’s job because she can’t use her dominant arm) and everything else to get ready.

It’s been a panic for me for a good while now.

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So here’s a list instead of an amateur video-

1. Do not be unappreciative of the ability to be independent with your mobility. The frustration of not being able to use a major joint of your limbs especially for someone so previously self-sufficient can often feel overwhelming

2. Patience is a virtue- a big big big virtue.

“The ability to hold your tongue is a gift. A moment of patience in a moment of anger prevents a thousand moments of regret.” -Ali Ibn Abu Talib

3. While I have a huge appreciation for the design of fondant cakes, it does not taste good. No matter how gorgeous the cake.

4. Family is everything and family are taxing. I love my family more than anything else and they are my number priority but family can exhaust you physically and emotionally. But they’re still your family.

5. Taking time to truly appreciate the big moments in life is important- spend those times with those who matter most and capture them.

6. Always be kind. Choose kindness above all else. Everyone has different levels of damage and being kind helps you live with yourself.

7. I have good friends. I really do.

8. When you ask for a sign from God (or the Universe if that’s what you believe in) He can deliver majorly even if you doubt.

9. Multitasking is a difficult skill- a to do list is highly beneficial in situations like this.

10. You have less time to feel sad when you are preoccupied. Therefore, get more occupied.

Can you believe we are closer to the middle of the year than we are to the beginning of it? Have a good one guys. ♥️

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Sometimes I think that there will be a day that I wake up and I don’t have to deal with what’s in my brain.

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I always think that there would be a cap on mental health, on how long it would affect me. I keep wishing it was like the flu and that I would get over it. But it is not and that is the most frustrating part.

And there are good days and bad days, more often bad than good when I am unoccupied.

I dislike talking about this because this whole year has been awful for that reason. I can go back to every other post and spot where I talk about being miserable . It is tiring to feel this way and it is tiring to know that writing things out here is simply passing on the negativity to someone else.

There is a sense of my generation being coddled and giving ‘too much weight’ to mental issues and emotional distress. When my mother points out that it is ridiculous that students were allowed to skip an exam because they disagreed with the results of the presidential election, I do not disagree.

Are we too concerned with taking ‘mental health days’ that it becomes an excuse for us not to function on a daily basis? Is there a point when ‘self care’ becomes ‘self indulgence’? How do you know when you reach that point? Are we simply validating narcissism by giving in to our emotions more often than not?

When our elders have taken ‘worse beatings’ both physically and mentally, and yet been able to get up and go to work the next day, is it right for us to cry in the corner of our rooms? Is it fine for us to quit something the moment it gets hard or makes us uncomfortable? I have done just that and till today I question my actions.

At the same time, I understand the feeling of being overwhelmed and questioning everything in your life. I understand what it is like to be trapped in the vicious cycle of wanting to change and being drowned by how inadequate you feel.

I am trying to be conscious of the ‘when’, the ‘what’ and the ‘why’. I am trying to not be cruel to myself and especially to others. I am trying to make clear decisions. I am trying ‘to try’.

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I partially wrote a blog post earlier. And then WordPress decided to not save it. Don’t ask me why. Maybe it decided that my post wasn’t good enough. That happens, right?; the robots have decided that my words aren’t good enough.

Since that post basically got murdered by the machines, I’m going to talk about something else. This is my last weekend in Melbourne and I’m very pleased. I have three days left, two days in the hospital and the last for me to thoroughly clean my room and get everything packed. Yeah, this isn’t gonna go too well because I feel like I have more things than I have luggage space. Oh well.

Melbourne has been an interesting time.

I’ve never lived away from my family for this long. I have never lived without friends under the same roof for this long. As the past ten posts or so have chronicled, there have been ups and downs, more valleys than peaks at the start. It shows how well I handle things, no?

A lot of my time in Melbourne has been spent with my headphones/earphones stuck in my ears/over my ears. Also, I lost my earphones within the first month here, but do not fret, it was the “free pair” that came with my phone. It still sucked because carrying headphones around means that there’s less space in my bag.

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I have never listened to more podcasts and more music than here. I have almost memorized the soundtracks of a whole bunch of musicals because of how much I’ve listened to them. I feel like Demi and Kevin from The Gilmore Guys are my best friends because I’ve probably listened to more hours of them talking than actual people. Also, if you’re a fan of Gilmore Girls, you should totally listen to The Gilmore Guys because they are so funny that I have a hard time not laughing out loud in public.

Now that just makes me sound really sad.

Wandering around the city with your own soundtrack is a very special way to experience a place. I do the terrible bobbing up and down thing or doing tiny little dance steps when I listen to things. It’s a bigger problem when it’s the OST from Aladdin or Kinky Boots because those memories are still fresh in my mind (yes, I watched Kinky Boots two days ago and I LOVED IT) and the music is very ‘bob up and down or do tiny little dance steps’.

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I have been to the public library (the State Library of Victoria) more than I’ve been to any public library in Malaysia. I have done a whole lot more ‘hanging solo’ time. I have gotten lost on public transport a number of times. I got on the wrong train yesterday. That was immensely ‘fun’, especially when I only had 11% battery left.

One of the major plus sides to being here is definitely the amount of “culture” I have enjoyed. I have never seen these many musicals in a year than 2016 so far. I cringe a little thinking of how much I’ve spent on theater this year, but hey, what is the likelihood that I’m gonna have the opportunity to see any of the shows I’ve gotten to watch ever again? It’s not that high.

Home is three days away. Yay.

 

 

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Another week has gone by and I’m fairly glad for that. We are below the 20’s now, which is a great feeling. And shocker guys, I’m in Starbucks again.

A friend and I watched a Scottish musical “Our Ladies of Perpetual Succour” which was an exercise in seeing what the human mind can do. It took a full 5 minutes before I could understand what they were saying. Clearly, my Babel Fish isn’t working that well.

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It was quite a production, pretty unexpected in some ways. I must applaud the talent that was on stage, they did their roles very well. The vocals were incredible. The plot was alright, I get where they were coming from. I could picture the whole thing being a TV movie but set in the 90’s like My Mad Fat Diary. It had that sort of feel.

Today has been a pretty up and down day so far. I woke up a little later than I expected to, managed to wrangle my way to the train and to church. I had not gone to church in about two weeks. That’s what happens when you’re downright lazy/ miss the train.

Here are unnecessary pictures of my breakfast:

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Melanie and I watched High School Musical 3 together this afternoon via the wonders of the internet because we had never seen it. Aside from the connectivity issues that took over half an hour to resolve, it was pretty fun. Kenny Ortega did a really good job directing that movie, and the choreography was really, really good. As cheesy as 80% of the dialogue was, it was well done.

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Half way through the movie there was a power outage that I had hope would resolve itself by the time the movie was over, but that did not happen. Which is why I am here in Starbucks, once more. My latop was at 11% and my phone at 36%. There was no way that I was going to survive the rest of the evening in my room. (Yes, this qualifies as a ‘first world problem’)The owner wasn’t home, the other housemate left for his evening shift and I could not find the power box to see it was a simple trip. I needed a power source to charge my devices and after 6pm, there are seriously limited places to do so. So, here we are back in the city, in a chain coffee store that originated in the US of A.

Now on to something a bit more serious-

Here’s something I have come to realise this week that I have always known but not really ‘known’: patients have lives. Well, more specifically, geriatric patients have lives before they became old.

I’m not phrasing this well.

What I’m trying to say is that I’m a concieted little prick that rarely acknowledges or remembers that other people have lives. I was speaking to this one patient in the ward whom I’ve gotten to know quite well over the course of three weeks. She’s a frail old lady, 88 years in age, with poor eyesight, even poorer hearing, who came in initially with a fracture of her left knee. She is one of the 3 or 4 people on my ‘side of the ward’ that can actually hold a conversation, and since I don’t do as much in this ward, I spend quite a bit of time talking to her every day.

She has had quite a life! She joined the communist party in Australia when she was 18, attended many World Peace conferences all over the planet, raised 2 daughters singlehandedly after she separated from her husband. This little old lady was a communist. It took a while to comprehend that.

People have lives outside the hospital. I don’t know why but for some reason, I forgot that. ‘Forgot’ isn’t quite the right word, I glaze over that fact. Especially when it comes to the ‘golden citizens’ that come in. It’s easy to think of them as the ‘older population’ who have all the co-morbidities for all sorts of conditions, with age playing the most significant role. But they all have lives that may be complete ‘out there’ and unexpected. I don’t know why I don’t keep that in mind often enough.

I have made friends with this old lady and I was genuinely sad to see her go last Friday. ‘Go’ as in back to the residential care facility she was from, not ‘go’ as in ‘pass away’. I don’t have a friend in the ward anymore, and the next three weeks are gonna be a little trying because of that.

Wait, not three weeks, 17 days. Just 17 days.

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It is a Sunday, I’m in Starbucks, I’m watching a Hallmark movie (Love on the Air) on my laptop because I genuinely like it. It’s a well written one and not saccharine sweet, but cute enough to be comforting.

I’m not 100% well. Somehow, I’ve developed a sore soft palate again. This is horrible. My body has built up enough tolerance to Melbourne, and is now rejecting it. Hahaha. I’m glad no Australian is actually reading this. But if there is, I am sorry for the insult, I don’t really mean it, I’m just homesick, physically sick, and seriously craving a nice bowl of pork noodles.

I am so done with being sick. It’s so freaking annoying.

I went out on Friday with a group of friends as it was a public holiday. We went to Yarra Valley, had a wine tasting session, a cheese tasting session and popped by a chocolate factory before heading back to the city for dinner and a stop at a board game place. It was with mish-mash of people I don’t normally hang out with and it provided for interesting conversation. I forget how different my normal associations are in comparison to the ones I spent time with in the last two days. Not necessarily a bad thing because it’s always good to mix with different people.

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In relation (and not quite) to that (because this is partly inspired by something brought up in one of the older episode of the Gilmore Guys podcast), I have been thinking about chemistry between people. I have a question for you, dear reader: When is chemistry between two people consider romantic?

Is all chemistry considered romantic?

Is it when you start to wonder? Is it when your other friends start pointing it out and asking questions?

Can chemistry be platonic? Or is the negation of that the reason for the ‘men and women cannot be purely friends’ rule?

Where is the line that tells you that compatibility is not purely friendship? Any TV show illustrates this situation with the whole ‘oh, we’re just friends’ thing before that turns into the two people going out/eventually getting married/breaking up a season down the road.

I believes that all friendships are based on good chemistry between two individuals because you have to be able to connect with someone at some level. But when is chemistry.. ‘chemistry’?

Answer me that, dear reader. I’m quite curious to hear what you think.

It is now October 2nd and Daylight Savings in Australia, which puts me 3 hours ahead of home. Oh, home. I am 24 days away.

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I can deal with 24. I think.

Have a great week ahead, lovelies! x

EDIT– here’s what Lydia has to say about it, and since I cannot put pictures in comments, I’m gonna put a screenshot of it here:


 

Weekly Round-up #29

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Seven days. Seven days.

Okay. Let’s get to it:

Good Week– I had an online interview thing last week. I got an email from one of the hospitals about doing a recorded interview, which means I go online, sit with the webcam on, click START INTERVIEW NOW, read a question for 9 seconds, then have my answer recorded. If that isn’t nerve wrecking, I don’t know what is. Seriously, 9 seconds. And all I could do is completely blank out and only think of good answers at the end.

So Bad Week– I think I flubbed it up. I left a long voice message lamenting my situation for a good friend to listen because I needed to cry about it somewhere. I don’t know. Maybe it didn’t go as badly as I thought it did. But I’m sure it did.

so yes. okay.

Now, let’s talk about something real.

I’m sure we’ve all seen the horrible shootings over the weekend. And I am not American, but human life being lost is still a sad day. Why do people shoot other people? It wasn’t lawful, it wasn’t in self-defense.

It is sad, it is horrible. But we must remember the good in the world. We must remember that people do love people, and that the world is good, and that hate and anger should not squelch the hope we have for a good future.

Let me leave you with something from a little famous series, and a little famous movie:

I love you all dearly. You are so lucky to be alive. Keep looking forward. It’s all going to be okay.

 

(2 )Weekly Round-up(s) #28

I missed out on doing this for the first time in 27 weeks. I wish I had a better excuse than the reality of it: my wonderful partner in life showed up again and required all my attention. I’m sure you know him, he’s been around for ages- good ol’ Mr. Procrastination and me, back at it again.

Let’s do this Lady Gang style and GOOD WEEK(s), BAD WEEK(s) it up:

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Alright, BAD WEEK(s)

I was in orthopedics in the previous week and honestly, I’m not sure if those 5 days were good or bad. I know I’m not the best at ‘random small talk’ but I felt quite out of place in the clinic. But hey, I got to scrub in (like properly scrub in) for a plate removal from a fractured radius so that was a plus.

But what takes the cake for BAD WEEK was the drama over my internship application for Australia that happened on this past Friday. The way this works is you apply online, submit all your paperwork via the site and email the hospitals themselves. At the same time, you need to have two referees that fill up an assessment form from the site itself. Unfortunately, come Friday (two days ago), otherwise known as the LAST DAY for applications, one of my referees did not fill in the form. I contacted her to ask about it only to find out that the form was never received. Queue panic and disillusionment with the world.

I know the likelihood of getting an internship in the Melbourne region is really really really unlikely with the amount of competition, but on Friday, I was faced with the idea that I wouldn’t even be allowed to be a blip on the radar because I did not have two referees. It was a very upsetting evening with a lot of dramatic sighs from my mother who accused that referee of sabotaging me (Which she would not because she’s always been very supportive of me). But at approximately 6.45pm-ish, it worked out somehow. Thankfully.

It’s not quite a BAD WEEK but it almost was. By the meltdown I had on Snapchat you would think that my whole universe imploded.

GOOD WEEK of last week was probably getting three half days. Like I said, my supervisor for that week didn’t seem so keen on having me (or maybe that is his personality, I don’t know) and gave me three afternoons off. Pretty kind, I guess. Now, if only I had used that time wisely.

But the GOOD WEEK that wins by a mile is the one day trip to Singapore yesterday to watch Les Miserables. I think I mentioned that I would be going a few months back when I first bought my tickets and I finally did. It lived up to my expectations for sure. I did not expect to be seeing EARL CARPENTER AND SIMON GLEESON. I quite literally freaked out in my seat when I read their names in the program. I know that it may not mean much to you but those are BIG NAMES to me and I genuinely feel “#blessed” to have seen them on stage. I am so glad because their performances were amazing.

Also, I cried through Act 2 and even did a ‘no, no, no’ when Gavroche was climbing over the barricade to get ammunition. I am pretty pathetic that way. And the STAGING-I can go on and on about the staging! The lighting, the transitions between scenes! The set was beautiful. They played so well with the backdrop and making things look like their moving. The bit for Javert’s Suicide and when Valjean carries Marius through the sewers was so visually stunning.

If you’re crazy free and willing to got to a showing of Les Mis, it will definitely be worth your time. I kid you not.

So, Melbourne is about 14 days (actually 13 plus but let’s just round it up) away and I’m going to be spending the next two weeks trying to make sure I have everything in order. I am quite terrified but excited. but mostly terrified. New city and mostly alone.

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