if you didn’t already know, I’m a complete celebrity. Yes indeed, I have people flocking to me whenever I go out to the 7-Eleven near my house, begging for autographs and asking me to sign my fabulous head-shots. I’m doing you a favour by writing a blog.
HAH if you bought that for one second you must really not know me. No one asks for my autograph. The closest thing I’ve gotten to a head-shot is my cousin shooting those rubber ammo at me at Christmas. I am a sad human being. I wonder it would be like to be a celebrity.
People staring me down, girls/guys screaming and fainting at my mere presence. My parents getting their “exclusive interviews” splayed all over the pages of some glossy magazine.I’d have my own E!True Hollywood Story special where the struggles I’ve faced and my success would be discussed by ‘experts’ and ‘people who have followed my career from the start’, all done with excellent lighting and those montages of my childhood pictures, of course. People I barely remember in high school would sell what they consider “scandalous gossip” to the tabloids or Perez Hilton; this information would go viral causing all kinds of questions to be directed at my tragically overworked publicist who would then have to go come up with some tragic excuse for my torrid past or simply deny it. Or better yet give the ever classic: ‘no comment.’ My Twitter account, which I currently use to stalk my favourite writers and producers (of course I have a few people I know in real life on my FOLLOW list, I’m not a complete loser), would be explode with daily notifications of “MENTIONS” and fans who type in CAPS LOCK to get my attention. Of course I’d answer each and everyone of them with kind words and double entendres (when asked something salacious.) ending each reply with ‘xo’. I’d have a massive following on Tumblr with multiple fan pages and groups on Facebook dedicated to the awesomeness that is me. Sure, there will be a few haters but that comes with the territory. My devotees would no doubt squash each and every negative comment raised against me and worship the ground I walk on. My favourite talk show to be on would be Craig Ferguson’s ‘The Late Late Night with Craig Ferguson’ which I would be a regular on, as we discuss our love of Doctor Who and his Scottish accent while he teases me over the way I flinch whenever he swears. I wouldn’t have a celebrity best friend because I would be the ‘down-to-earth’ kind of star, who remembers her true friends and is not blinded by the glittery, shiny people of showbiz (Okay, Craig Ferguson would be my celebrity best friend. Move over Kristen Bell). I would be nice to the paparazzi as long as they know their place but would keep a low profile because ‘my personal life is off limits’. Oh and I’d have every dog I’d ever want.
Well now, you can probably tell that I don’t live like that. Instead I sit at my desk in my room, snuggled up in my blanket while the air-conditioning unit blasts at 16°C, clacking away at the keys on my mother’s laptop. (Yes people I don’t have my OWN laptop. Why would I need one? Money need not be spent on trivial things especially since there’s a perfectly good desktop sitting downstairs. I’m not there because with the temperature of a typical Malaysian afternoon, I’d be groggier than I am now) Why would I give this up for a life in the limelight?
No really, I’m happy being the average human being. I am simply not cut out for the stress and glamour of Hollywood. Having to plaster a smile on my face every morning and to deal with people who are ready to tear you apart the minute you make a mistake… that’s just not my cup of tea. No, I’m happy content with being here, a quiet blogger (who updates depending on her mood) who has but a few faithful readers. That’s the life.