Spoiler Alert

Here’s something new to recognise:

Much to my detriment, I have always been the type of person who feels a bit too much. It is a gift and a curse to empathise too quickly, to feel emotions too deeply, to wear your heart on your sleeve.

It borders on ridiculous when I feel too much about fictional characters that are.. fictional. They are not real but to my mind’s eye, they’re flesh and blood.

All my favourite characters die.

Yes, that is an overstatement. But a good many die and I feel way too much over them. I cannot separate fact from fiction when I immerse myself in an art-form, be it books or stage or TV or movies. I feel for the characters a bit too much. It’s unhealthy, that’s for sure.

The Fox and the Hound was particularly scarring. Matthew Cuthbert dying on paper made me cry for a good hour. I actually use his death as a ‘tool for crying’ when I needed to be devastated on stage- which works because I do get teary. Dobby died. Fred Weasley died. Tibby Rollins died. Alternate Timeline Lincoln Lee died. Allison Argent died. Michael Cordero died.

And it’s not like I cry only when I watch the show. There’s a mourning period I go through, much like if I lost someone I loved in real life. I take it to the extreme.

While being part of a fandom on Tumblr does exacerbate this ‘condition’, it’s something I’ve ‘gone through’ even before I joined the damn site.

I hate that I cry so much over people who are not real. If I should psychoanalyse myself, maybe it does stem from something a vocal teacher told my mom once- that I could not sing with emotion because I was too young and I did not know how to feel the same sadness, or longing, or joy that the song required. So, maybe, to make up for my own lack of experience, I live vicariously through characters that are not real. I make their pain, the joy, their anger.. I make them all mine.

And that is very screwed up.

I don’t know where I’m going with this. Why can’t I just have ‘regular’ emotional ranges and not feel as much?


Things that make me cry

This list is part serious stuff and part stuff that’s kinda ridiculous. If you did not already know, I am fairly pathetic. Judge if you like:

  1. People my parents age working paycheck to paycheck jobs
    Like, say, someone like my dad working at a toll booth. It’s not a ‘fulfilling vocation’ per se. and you get the feeling that he/she doesn’t want to be there, but they have to. That gets to me. Like this video that went viral on Facebook. I know that it’s a good thing that they have jobs, but sometimes thinking about the position they must be in to still have to work at that age, and not even a job that they love. 😞
  2. Freaking ‘Homeward Bound’
    Okay, I’m going to stop shouting. This movie was depressing as hell. Are you kidding me? They cannot be friends. I watched this as a kid and I NEVER rewatched the whole thing. It breaks my heart every time.
  4. ‘It’s Quite Uptown’ from Hamilton
    I cry at songs, I really do. But this song is heartwrenching. It’s right after Alexander Hamilton and his wife, Eliza lose their son Philip. and how the grieving process was, and how they grew back together because they were so broken. ugh. “Philip you would like it uptown” HECK NO.
  5. The picture of my late dog Julius that I have on my shelf
    As you can tell, I get very emotional about dogs. Or pets. And I have this picture of the dog I grew up with till I was 15. He was the last of the three I had as a child and he was family. Losing him was terrible. I can smile at that photo from time to time, but there are days when I just look at it and cry.
  6. When my friends cry.
    I am way too empathetic that I absorb people’s pain. Literal empath right here. I may not have gone through the loss that you did but if you’re my friend and you’re crying, it’s highly likely that I will cry too.
  7. The end of Fringe
    Okay, this is a TV show, and I have had TV shows end. But I will never, ever, ever cry as much as I did when Walter Bishop had to leave his son for the world to not break apart. There is nothing sadder than the performance by John Noble and Joshua Jackson in that scene. I cried for hours.
  8. Pope John Paul II
    This is such a young Catholic person thing, but the love I have for the late Pope John Paul II is ridiculous. I think every young Catholic who was aware of who he was and what he had done loved him. I read a book that Jason Evert wrote about him a few months ago and I cried.
  9. Anyone’s funeral
    It is normal to cry when you lose someone, sure. But I have attended masses in church without knowing it was someone’s funeral. and despite not knowing that person, I can cry. Like I said, overly emotional.
  10. When the thing I’m baking ‘DOES NOT WORK’
    I have had meltdowns in the kitchen because you freaking beat those egg whites to get them all shiny and stiff and okay to put over your head without it falling, only to drop the whole bowl of it on the floor. That is the worst.dr-who

Things to do when you feel unhappy

Ten Things To Do When You Feel Like Crap:

This post is originally from here

1. Have a really hot, long shower. Cry if you need to. Sit on the ground. Feel sorry for yourself. Let the steam soak into your skin. Let the hot water wash your face clean. But the moment you turn off that water, you are done feeling sorry for yourself. Make a decision to move on from that sadness.

2. Clean. I know, cleaning is boring and annoying – but how about that feeling you get when you are finished? The smell of the vacuum. That feeling of accomplishment? Who knows, you might even find money along the way. Totally worth it. It’s like starting with a clean slate.

3. Call a friend you haven’t spoken to for a while. If your first choice doesn’t pick up, choose someone else. Ask them all about how their lives are going and tell them about yours. Not only will it take your mind off whatever crappy thing you have been plagued by, but you will laugh with them! Laughing triggers endorphins and endorphins make you happy!

4. Go for a run or a walk. This get’s your endorphins and dopamine going crazy. You will get more energy and more happiness just because the chemicals in your body are running around!

5. Stop and take it all in. Walking in the night? Stop and look at the stars. Breathe in the cold air. Feel alive.

6. Stop whining. Ever heard the saying “love life and life will love you back”? Or, the idea of the power of attraction? It’s true! If you sit around saying “why me, waaaaa waaaa” then bad things will happen to you. You’re already defeated. If you start saying, “I will be happy, I will accomplish my ambitions, I will find love, I do look amazing, I am a great friend” etc., then not only will you start to believe them but you will be amazed at what amazing things start to happen.

7. Drink tea. This always works. Not a tea fan? Try hot water with a slice of lemon and some agave syrup.

8. Make a conscious decision to stop holding certain grudges. We all have people we have held grudges on in the past. Let them go. If you feel like you owe this person an apology, don’t be too proud. Send them a sincere facebook apology. Sincerity is in the intent, so even if it’s a 2 sentence apology – as long as you mean it it’s worth it.

9. Cook some really nice, warm food. Stimulate your taste buds with anything as simple as two minute noodles or as lavish as a three course garlic bread, pasta bake, chocolate mousse triple combo.

10. Write down a list of goals to achieve for the week. As simple as “buy insect repellent” or as large as “jog for 25 minutes non stop” and tick them off when they’re done. You will feel very accomplished and that alone will help pep up your mood!