Guide to making friends with me

Since you are reading this, it is more than likely that you are already a friend of mine, be it in ‘real life’ or something I have met through the world wide web. Hello to you! But if there is a tiny possibility that we are not actually friends, here’s how it’s normally done.

Please note that in no way do I assume that you would actually want to be friends with me. Perhaps you stumbled on this by mistake and would like to be redirected to the previous page. Please move your cursor to the top left and look for the left pointing arrow.

Unless you are compelled to stay, to which I bid you welcome.

Also, this list is not the be-all and end-all of becoming my friend. It’s just an easy opener. Heck, if you talk to me and we get along, we’re friends. I don’t think I have ever ‘turned down an offer of friendship’. That’s just weird.

  1. Be stuck in a group project with me
    I have made a lot of friends because I have ended up in preassigned groups. Some of my good friends are people I met in Year 2 of medical school because we were made to go to a particular women’s shelter every week as part of our curriculum. It’s easy to make friends when you’re all dreading that same weekly train ride when you’d all rather be studying. Nothing against that particular women’s shelter/orphanage, but there was hardly anything we needed to do: the women were already happy and had their own routines.
  2. Appreciate the same books, shows, musicals or movies I do
    If you want to freak out about how much you LOVE Hamilton, I’m your girl. I think I have made most, if not all, my Tumblr/Twitter friends via our common love for a form of ‘art/entertainment’. It’s nice to discuss theories or speculate about spoilers with someone.
  3. Be the new kid
    I’m weird, I like to make friends with the ‘new people’. It’s a habit I picked up because I was usually the ‘new kid’. I have made it my life’s mission to always befriend the new person because it is never easy, nor is it fun when you feel like the alien. Whether or not you choose to hang out with me after that is up to you, but you’ll always have this girl as your friend.
  4. Find me funny
    I am no Tina Fey but I can crack a joke. Or say something remotely witty, at times. I have relatively good comedic timing. Only just a few days ago, I was retweeted and ‘liked/favourited/whatever Twitter calls it now’ when I posted this as a response to the LUCIFER IS COMING Worldwide trend (FYI: Supernatural -the TV show- was having Lucifer in that particular episode later that day, hence the fandom going wild)Screen Shot 2015-12-10 at 4.22.48 PM
    So yes, find me funny, and I’m highly likely to be friends with you. Because if you find my jokes funny, I’m probably on the same wavelength.
  5. Be the person who goes the extra mile
    I do this thing where I try my best to become friends with someone who is apparently hardworking or strives more than the average, because I want to emulate that. I’m more attracted to those sort of people, which is why most, if not all my crushes, are usually the ‘smart boys’. But even on a platonic level, I am more likely to want to hang out with you if you’re the type to want to go to the library and study. Basically, I need someone to motivate me.
  6. Know something that most people wouldn’t
    It doesn’t have to be book-smarts. You may be very interested and know a lot about ballet or wars or planes. I may not care about the same subject, but I automatically want to befriend you if you know more about something out of the blue, like the Prohibition!
  7. Have a dog
    If you love dogs like I love dogs, we are 50% more likely to become friends. If you can cry over how worried you are over your dog, yes, that’s definitely a bridge that unites us.
  8. Be a good friend to a friend of mine
    This one is tricky. If you’re a good friend to a good friend of mine, it can go either way: I may dislike you because I can get jealous OR I may like you because you were there when I couldn’t be. Also, befriending you will help negate the feelings of jealousy.

Okay, that’s all I could come up with right now. Applications for friendship are now open. I can assure you, I am very much the Dwight of friendships. I will end a person for you, if necessary. Or at least, help you hide the body.

Okay, screw that. If you’re up for murdering someone, we will have to weight the pros and cons of the situation first.

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