I am half asleep as I type this a few days ahead from when it will be posted. I have not been able to schedule posts in the last two days because I got back to Johor on Saturday evening and started data collection on Sunday.
It’s not fun and the response hasn’t been what I hope it would be. It seems like I will be stuck here till next week and I am really not keen on that. It’s December, and I’m stuck here. I would normally be making Christmas preparations or doing anything else, but instead this got in the way.
I’m trying not to be bitter about it but more salt to the wound because the other two group members I have are not around. One is back home with her dad since he got into an accident, and the other is in another part of Johor because he bit off more than he could chew and has to complete another project there.
I cannot help but feel resentful even though I get where they’re coming from. But how fair is it to me that I’m stuck here doing all the work while they’re not? I am ‘done’ with this whole situation really. I am on that verge of just chucking everything and saying ‘I don’t give enough f-s for this’.
As you can tell, I’m not taking this well. It would matter as much if I cared about the topic if it was something I was genuinely interested in. But it’s not and I’m ‘trapped’ in it.
Being alone in the rented apartment has allowed me to enjoy the comforts and freedom of ‘living alone’, which I don’t mind. I can do laundry when I like, I can make as much noise (not that much that it would bother the neighbours) as I like, I can cook whenever I want. I like living alone, I can breathe with it.
The alone time also allows me to dwell on unnecessary thoughts because there isn’t much to distract me, especially since I don’t have actual classes to go to or exams to prepare for. Not all thoughts are ‘nice’. A lot of them come as big distractions and just cause further irritation. But it’s so like me to dally in pointless ‘might have been’s’ when I truly should learn to move on. I’m working on that.
By the time this goes up, I hope by some miracle I will be done with most if not all the data. Fingers crossed.
Update: I have 124 more forms that need filling. ugh.