I actually wrote something on the plane (Again), yesterday, but I didn’t post it in the end because 1. I was exhausted, 2. It puts me in the worst light ever. But, what the hell, this is my blog, and this is an honest space. So, here’s what I tapped angrily on my flight (you have been warned!):
What a terrible thing to plot someone’s murder while they are seated 2 seats away from you.
I am on a flight again, and I am completely enraged. I am tired, irritable and pissed enough that hearing my housemates babble non-stop on this flight is driving me up the wall.
I know it’s a completely selfish thing to say but I have had a tiring week and then a tiring weekend. I am cranky. I am a Scrooge. I basically left my parents in a huff at the airport because they were wasting so much effing time talking to my housemate. I was already irritated, my bag was freaking heavy, and they just stood there talking. I wanted to go in to the boarding gate but they said, ‘no, wait it out.’
Why the hell would I want to stand there and ‘wait it out’? I did not ask to stand there and listen to them chat. I did not ask to have a lousy weekend (yes I agree I sound like a horrible child). I am just so mad right now I would love to reach over and stab my housemate in the neck (they are talking over the aisle, because unfortunately, I am not sitting alone).
I am rolling my eyes so hard right now. Why can’t I be a nice person? Why must I be a complete bitch at the moment? Why must they talk CONSTANTLY for the past 40 mins? WHY.
I am angry.
I am tired.
I am a bubble of rage.
I just wish to reach the damn apartment so it will all be SILENT
I know, I know. It’s horrifying. I am the worst person when things don’t go my way.
No, really. I think I need to come to terms with that. I hate not being in charge of what’s going on. I’m an over-thinker and when people don’t fall into their boxes, or the situation ends up playing out ‘not in my favour’ or in a way that I did not predict, I completely lose it. And I’m my own worst enemy.
You know how there’s a ‘dominant’ emotion in Inside Out ie: Sadness for Riley’s mom? A friend of mine mentioned that mine would be Joy. Unfortunately, I’m probably more Disgust than anything else.
I need to be able to handle ‘not being in control’ but believe me, when you’ve done it your whole life, the over-thinking, the over-analysing, the trying-to-predict-everything.. it’s difficult to let go.
Anyway, last week was just tiring. LABOUR ROOM as the final week of O&G basically means I woke up really early and had mini-panic attacks in the morning because we may get questioned by the head of department. Then I had my Oral Presentation on Thursday, which meant Wednesday was a stressful night because I realised that one of the studies I included for my Evidence Based Medicine part was probably not that applicable to my case. There was a lot of scrambling, and then my Lola’s fracture happened.
I am still sleepy and today was the first day of Paeds. While I am prepared with a lot of the ‘physical’ stuff ie: stickers! and a rattle! and buttons for my lanyard!, I am not mentally/intellectually sound right now to be prepped for class. Paeds is supposedly like General Medicine + Surgery rolled into one except that it’s more specific and scary.
I have some other post ideas lined up for either this week or next week, or both, so hopefully I’ll find the time to get around to that. Paediatrics is suppose to be much ‘free-er’ than O&G, but we’ll see.
Have a good week, lovelies. x