I had this “inspired” idea to write a post based on something from one of the old
cult CoF books (SEGWAY: CoF stands for Circle of Friends; think Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants but instead of pants, we shared a ‘diary’ of sorts. It usually came up to 3/4 books per year from when I ‘joined’ at 13 till we stopped writing at 16/17) . The one copy I have is from 2007, when we were 15 years old. I was really excited about the idea, to see if I could come up with a fresh take on something I wrote about 8 years ago.
What I found instead was a lot of ‘reflections’ on myself, a lot of conceited opinions on people, and passive aggressive statements from both my younger self and my best friends, usually between us. I had to put the book down because all it did was bring up feelings of resentment of the person I was, the people they were at times. I find my 15 year old self rather laughable at points, but at the same time, rereading my own words brought me back to the moment I wrote them in, along with the hurt that accompanied reading certain things.
Passive aggression is a terrible sin. I can’t believe that I use to be that way. So much sarcasm flowed through my veins that I could not write out what I truly felt without having some of it be tinged by that anger. I would slap the younger me, or at least give her a good scolding.
I hope that I am less of that person and have taken time to move forward in my life. I hope at least now I can make a conscious effort to not be as nonsensical, and to speak my mind in a more articulate, more straightforward manner.
Because the girl who wrote this deserves to grow up.