Self Reflection

badger

I am a very jealous person. And that needs to stop.

NOTE: This is going to sound very pathetic and super embarrassing to write especially because it reflects poorly on me. And this has nothing to do with the picture of the badger from IKEA.

A few days ago, my housemate in JB mentioned that she went out with two of her group mates from medical school. My first reaction was to WANT to say “Oh wow, you didn’t invite me. That’s not cool.” Obviously I didn’t. That’s crazy.

But, how stupid is that? Sure, I have studied with them before, sure, I do know them too. But I am not best friends with them. I did not spend basically, a whole year with them. I am not considered a ‘girlfriend’ to them because I’m not. I don’t share the same interests, I would have never been friends with them in secondary school because clearly they’d be the more ‘popular’ type of people whereas I was the person who’s famous because she did a bunch of competitions and stuff.

I am not my housemate’s best friend. Nor is she mine. We are close in JB because we live together and we’ve known each other for years before we entered medical school but in no way or form have we reached any level of ‘best friend’-ship.

Then, why was my first reaction to the news a horrific surge of jealousy and annoyance? I am being ridiculous about this. I do have best friends, I talk to them all the time. I do have best friends (one of which is coming over tomorrow to bake the cake we were suppose to last week) and I love them, and they are enough.  I don’t go out much with them but that’s my fault because I’m a homebody, I LITERALLY love staying home and doing whatever I want.

The worst part is that this isn’t the only times I get irrationally jealous. I get jealous of people I’m not even that close with. If I don’t get invited to a birthday party of someone I know, I get upset. If someone plans something without me, I get upset. How much of a narcissist am I? This is RIDICULOUS!

I need to wrap my mind around the fact that no one owes me anything. I shouldn’t feel like I’m a victim in all these situations. Does anyone else struggle with this? Am I the only one who’s this weird?

That’s something I want to work on in 2015 and the rest of 2014: being less of an asshole jealous because no one needs that energy.

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Self Reflection

  1. I totally get what you mean. When a close friend of mine goes out with my other acquaintances (not even friends!!) on roadtrips and such, I get cheesed off – even if I couldn’t have made it for the trip. It’s irrational, but it happens. Definitely need to tone down on the jealousy, be it with friends/Michael/whatever. Jumping on the bandwagon with you!

    Liked by 1 person

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