In which I sounds like Gollum and Smeagol
12.23pm– Most people are clean by now, but no, you’re a combination of sweat and dog saliva. That’s not appealing in any way. But I cleaned the upstairs. Irrelevant. Fine.
12.25pm– Turn on the heater, turn on the heater, TURN ON THE HEATER.
12. 27pm- Hair’s really short. It became this short a week ago. Isn’t that strange? Yes, but it was done on purpose. And I’m used to it now. I know. I was just stating a fact. Scrub scrub scrub.
12.30pm– Funny how shampoo bottles always advise you to use the same conditioner from the same collection as the shampoo. Not this time, TRESemme. I’m a rebel, I’m using a DIFFERENT conditioner from your brand. What say you to that?! ‘Use favourite TRESemme styling products after’. I’m gonna cheat and use Redken, but you don’t actually know that, do you?
12.33pm– Conditioner conditioner conditioner. Leave in the conditioner. Remember to use cold water to rinse it off.
12.34pm– Pomegranate body wash smells nice. I don’t think I have ever eaten a pomegranate before. I feel like I have. Oh, when? I can’t remember right now.
12.37pm- Maybe I should clean the bathroom at the same time. That seems logical. But you’re slippery. So? Whatever.
12.40pm- I wonder what’s for lunch. Do normal people think of food when they’re in the shower? Maybe. I do. You’re weird. Shut up.
12. 41pm- Where did you leave your glasses? I am pretty sure we left them right here. You’re basically blind without them, so let’s trace our steps. Bathroom? Nope. Your bed’s a mess. So? Ah there it is.
12. 45pm- That whole thing would make a good blog post. No it wouldn’t. People will think you’re nuts. They already do. No one writes about what they think about in the shower. Well, I do.