Five Changes



Today, I did something I never thought I could: I video chatted with Lydia aka @thesubliminator for the first time. I know it’s not a big deal to a lot of people but I have had such big issues with anxiety that I have never done that, never chatted with a person I have not met in ‘real life’. Last year, for Lydia’s birthday she did a Google hangout with all her close Tumblr friends and I was invited to be a part of it, but I physically couldn’t do it. I had a meltdown and ignored her messages because I felt horrible for letting her down. Fast forward to almost 2 years later and here I am, willing and able to hold a conversation with a ‘stranger’ on the internet. It’s shocking to myself how much I have grown in that span of time. I think it’s a lot to do with the wonders of technology. Thank you to Snapchat and Whatsapp and Skype and Facetime (I should have just used commas but oh well) for providing an avenue for me to force myself to ‘grow’.

Which brings me to today’s Five Friday: 5 Character Progressions I have seen in myself. I already mentioned one above, so here are four more:

I actually know how to drive. I may not be keen on driving to Kuala Lumpur in heavy traffic but I could possibly do it without suffering from too much of a panic attack. If you asked me to drive last year, I would have freaked out and come up with a zillion excuses, but I can do it now. I am not a great driver (I think I almost scared Mel Mel when I picked her up a few days ago) but I can probably drive wherever right now. Again, not a big deal to a lot of people, but a huge deal to me.

Talking to strangers is more comfortable now. I was never that good at talking to waiters, or random people on the street but I am better now. I actually order for my family now! Having to interview so many patients, especially in the first nine weeks under my surgical tutor, I can talk to strangers easily.

I am more comfortable with my choice in vocation. I went through a rough time when I decided to stick it out with medicine but I think I can do it now. I am able to converse with patients well, my examination skills aren’t terrible, I can generally think well on my feet. I can catheterise men and women without complaints. So heck yeah, I can do this.

I don’t hold on to grudges as much. I used to be the type that would hold things against people for ages, I wouldn’t speak to my friends, I’d be an Ice Queen. But in the past year, I have kept up with a lot of relationships I didn’t expect to and made new friends. I go back to the CoF books of old and I am so glad I have moved on from being the person I was 5,6,7 years ago. Thank God for progress.

Yes, a lot of these are normal things to you, dear reader but from my point of view, I have made baby steps to being better. May next year be filled of more steps in the right direction!


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