Excuse me while I do a happy dance over how I PASSED MY EXAM WITH FULL MARKS. Sure, my examiner this time was very nice. He asked me a few questions and then, that was it. He called my physical examination ‘sleek’. I am so so so happy. I didn’t expect it. I only thought, maybe, 16/20 but getting FULL MARKS? I am beyond happy. 🙂 That means, I have passed my semester. Sure, I have finals in November, but one of the prerequisites to sit for finals are the 2 assignments I handed in and passing all the MCRs. And I did. SO YAY!
I honestly don’t have much to talk about today. I am just sleepy because I woke up earlier to …well, if I’m honest, watch Doctor Who, so I could have more study time. It worked but I ended up sleeping in another hour because frankly, 4am is early. I have practiced and practiced the renal examination a bunch of times today. I set an alarm for every half hour. That might seem excessive but I was freaking out. I have hurried bowel when I get really nervous. Completely overstepping it here, but I went to the bathroom 5 times today. AFTER lunch. So that’s crazy.
I don’t know if I will ever be comfortable or confident enough to not have these horrible moments of anxiety. I think the confidence will come with time and more practice but I was still freaking out today, even though I practiced it a lot of times. Sometimes I think taking an anti-anxiety pill would help but Beta blockers can also cause hypotension and I’m already mildly anaemic. So.
I really want to be a good doctor. I hope that with time, I can be good enough for my patients, that I can be good enough to do what’s best for them.