Mia familia, mia vita

fam

 

I speak to my parents on a daily basis, as I may have written about before. I’m a home-y type person. I love my family. Like so many others out there, to me family is my NUMBER ONE. Nothing else matter quite as much.

I just wanted to address something that’s been on my mind lately. We take things for granted, a lot of the time. My parents like to pretend that everything is fine and dandy, that sending me to school is do-able for them. But with a hefty yearly fee, additional costs due to rent, electricity, school books, medical equipment.. I’m a liability. I feel awful every time my mom tells me my dad can’t sleep because of his apnea, but he can’t take time off to get a proper check-up because of the way the clinic is run. I feel terrible each time I hear that there are very few patients or that the company is coming down hard on regulations to see the in-house doctor because that just means my parents have to find another way to pay the bills.

I may be in medical school but I am not remotely from a rich family. We don’t even have our own roof. My parents have spent years and years trying to pay off debts that were incurred because of my dad’s ambitions of running his own independent practice. And now, here I am, sucking up more money because I decided to pursue medicine instead of accounting or something cheaper; something that would only cost a year’s worth of my MBBS fees.

I don’t know how many people out there are close to my family’s struggles. I don’t know if there are many of you who are simply getting by, paycheck to paycheck. I don’t know how many of you are aware that your parents are going through hell to provide for you.

I may have thoughts sometimes: “I wish my parents had enough money to send me overseas” or “I wish I could afford to rent an apartment by myself”. My brother once told my mom “I hate that you and dad are not well connected. You need connections in law. It’s tougher for me to find a place in a firm.”

Ouch right?

How self-centered does that sound? I mentally slap myself after I think anything like that. I get so complacent in my situation that I forget how big of a struggle it was for us as a family to reach the reasonable stability that we have right now. I get so selfish that I forget that it’s a miracle and it’s a blessing that my parents can afford to send me to read medicine, to send my brother to law school. It’s so unfair to them when we think these things or say it out loud. It must cut like a searing blade through their heart when we say things like that. They have worked their fingers to the bone, sleepless nights wondering how they can balance the books this month… and yet, I am ungrateful most of the time.

I don’t have much purpose to this post. I just wanted to put it in writing to remind myself, to verbalise the importance of loving and appreciating what my amazing parents have done for me. I would not be where I am without them. I would not have had the opportunities I had without their hardwork. I love them so much, I am thankful that they are willing to put their comfort on the backburner so I can do what I want to do with my life. Not many people can actually say that. I am so fortunate.

I need to remember that more often.

 

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