*I didn’t get to write on Sunday and Monday because between packing and making it back to Johor and absolute zombification yesterday, I couldn’t muster up anything.*
Rough patches in life come along way too often than one would like.
A good friend of mine is going through a tough time because her thesis came back with a grade she wasn’t expecting, and not in a good way. She worked hard on it, I read it twice, she saw her tutor for it but she still received a disappointing grade. I know this girl well, so I can imagine the hurt that’s she’s going through. She is always so critical of her own work and was absolutely devastated over English essays in secondary school. She always pushes herself too hard and she always gives it her all. But this time it didn’t work out for her.
How do we deal with disappointment? How do we deal with being upset with our own selves?
I do this too. But in my case, it’s usually 80% regret because unlike my friend, I did not put in enough effort. Then things come back and all you want to do is turn back time.
I’m not going to give advice because I am no expert (regardless of the number of disappointments I have gone through before) but here is what’s helped me:
1. Cry it out.
I get very upset and spend hours and hour sobbing. I replay my mistakes in my head and I cry it out. I NEED to cry it out. There is no way I’m not crying. Crying is part of my process. There has to be enough tears created and disposed off before I feel better. I actually seek out things that make me cry so I can get it over with.
By this point, I’m either over crying and feel numb or I’m resolved to feel better. IF I’m numb,
For me, nothing helps quite like cleaning. I need to clear out my head and my mind, but since I cannot physically do that, I clean tangible things: my room, my house, my table, the garden, my desktop. ANYTHING. I go to town with cleaning. I find that a lot of people do this to cope with surges of emotions. I always find that I feel better after cleaning.
If I’m resolved to feeling better,
3. Motivational movie
I do this a lot. I watch movies that make me happy or motivate me to be better. Legally Blonde, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, An Education. I have ‘Go-to’ movies.
4. Make a to-do list.
This is from Emma Approved
(yes I know it’s a webseries based on the Austen novel but it’s solid advice): “Your life just collapsed and the last thing you want to do is start rebuilding. But the longer you let things go, the more insurmountable the future becomes. Get a head start with a small, manageable to-do list that can include basics like doing laundry, paying bills or buying groceries. It will help you maintain while you are recovering, and also give you that sense of accomplishment and control that you desperately need at times like this.”
I cannot fully express how important sleep is to me. Sleeping always makes me feel better. Sometimes you can’t actually spend too many hours sleeping but if there’s a lazy day coming up or a weekend when rest is possible, set NO ALARMS, set the right sleep habits and go to bed. Let your body wake up by itself. Sometimes that’s all you need.
These tips might help you, if you’re willing to try them out. Sometimes, issues may be harder than simply crying it out. In those situations, seek proper help. There are tonnes of avenues out there, people in the right places that are trained in dealing with issues. Just have faith, hope, determination, and belief in yourself. You can get through this.