serious talk

This is an awfully serious topic because it should be. I am not as eloquent in my words as this man is but from my brief encounters with this terrible affliction, I have this to say. (under the cut because it’s not pretty. but it’s oh-so-real)

It is scary to be on the other side of the phone when someone tries to hurt themselves. It is scary to hear how the person you love wanted to end everything. It is terrifying to know that if they weren’t stopped somehow, if they weren’t found, my life would be completely different.

It’s terrible when you think of the times you were tempted to end things yourself but were too scared.

I won’t talk about people I know because their privacy is important but I’ll talk about myself. I posted this on Tumblr, a while back:

Screen Shot 2014-07-23 at 11.45.38 PM Screen Shot 2014-07-23 at 11.45.10 PM

Like I said, it is terrible. It’s a rough situation to be in. I had this moment when I stared at the syringe and needle I had in my room from practicing giving injections into oranges, and I just thought ” 10ml of air would do the trick”. I remember being so lost, so hopeless.

It was a terrible time.

People often ignore the “READ MORE” button when it comes to things like suicide or when things get a bit emotional, especially on Tumblr when you follow blogs for pretty things and not baggage. I never expected a reply to this. I never expected anyone to read it because no one does. I put it out there as a cry for help knowing that all people do is scroll past.

But I got this in reply:

Screen Shot 2014-07-23 at 11.56.33 PM

A perfect stranger that ‘pulled me back’ so to speak. That held me back for one more day. 

I know it’s difficult to think of others or bring up these sort of matters but it is so helpful to have someone there. It is so helpful to have one person who’s willing to talk to you, to hold your hand, to convince you to hold on. 

Suicide isn’t a choice, as Mark Henick said in the video. People are driven to end things because there is no other way out. You can never quite understand it unless you’ve been there yourself, standing on that ledge (metaphorically or literally) and knowing that if you let go, it’ll all be over; your misery, your hate, your anger, your hopelessness. No one wants to be up there but sometimes you cannot understand that there is a way out. 

I say this because I have been on both sides of the story. I know what it’s like to be at the other end of the phone call hearing this sort of news, being the family member in shock when someone tries to take their life. It’s devastating either way.

If you know someone in a terrible state of depression or is self-harming, step up and talk to this person. Step up and be there to yank him or her back from that abyss. You can save a life, even if it’s just words sent out into cyberspace. Every little bit helps.

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