This is the original post from one of my favourite blogs: The Private Life of a Girl
“Your assumptions about the lives of others are in direct relation to your naïve pomposity. Many people you believe to be rich are not rich. Many people you think have it easy worked hard for what they got. Many people who seem to be gliding right along have suffered and are suffering. Many people who appear to you to be old and stupidly saddled down with kids and cars and houses were once every bit as hip and pompous as you..
The useless days will add up to something. The shitty waitressing jobs. The hours writing in your journal. The long meandering walks. The hours reading poetry and story collections and novels and dead people’s diaries and wondering about sex and God and whether you should shave under your arms or not. These things are your becoming.
One Christmas at the very beginning of your twenties when your mother gives you a warm coat that she saved for months to buy, don’t look at her skeptically after she tells you she thought the coat was perfect for you. Don’t hold it up and say it’s longer than you like your coats to be and too puffy and possibly even too warm. Your mother will be dead by spring. That coat will be the last gift she gave you. You will regret the small thing you didn’t say for the rest of your life.
Say thank you.”
I thought this was one of the more texts I’ve read in a really long time. Rae and I were discussing people a few days ago, one of our almost 2 hour talks on Skype, and how others seem to have everything so effortlessly, while the both of us struggle on a daily basis. But that’s not true is it?
Everyone struggles, it’s whether or not they let you see their pain. We’ve all seen those posts “You know that girl who made fun of? She has an eating disorder and cried herself to sleep last night” and the continuation of that. It’s a struggle for all human beings. Daily life does not come easy to anyone. We may think that others have it better but damn it, they have the same number of neurons, they have their own family dynamics to deal with and have their personal demons that they battle on a daily basis. We’re all wired the same but how we choose to conceal these issues is what makes us different.
While discussing our own inadequacies, the matter of being a ‘bad daughter’, ‘bad friend’, ‘bad-any-other-relationship-you-can-come-up-with’ came up. And the only way I can think of to solve that sort of thing is to make the time to do the little things. Take the time to write to friends… to check up on them, make the time to call our parents, make the time to say the little things because those are the building blocks of relationships. Taking time to create moments is something I have learned along the way, after reading books on psychology and ‘self improvement’. Moments are not always organic, you have to make them. You have to create the opportunities to tell those who matter that they do.
And this includes taking time out for yourself. Even if that means saying little affirming things like, ‘I have great eyes’ or ‘I draw pretty well’ in the morning. To some, it may be taking a selfie everyday to remember to love yourself and become more comfortable with how you look. To others, it may be putting on make-up because it makes you feel empowered.
Little things add up in the end and knowing that makes everything much simpler. You don’t have to try to tackle an insurmountable load immediately, just do the little things. Breaking things down makes it much more manageable, and this applies to relationships or just doing homework.
Baby steps. You’ll get there in the end.