Taken from a book

50/365

What I have found to be my biggest challenge since moving here is keeping perspective and not getting distracted. I am too busy being caught up with housemate drama, or what’s going on Teen Wolf, or the latest gossip amongst my friends, or the weird fact that I find the consultant that brings the housemen on rounds strangely attractive (it’s the fact that he has brains. Intelligence is sexy to me). I am stuck in the usual rut of being pulled away from what’s important.

I know how much money my parents spend for me to move here. I am acutely aware of how much effort they’ve been putting in, back in KL. But that’s not good enough. I need something to truly fuel me to move on and up in this. I am in Year 3. 2 years ago, one year ago, even, I would have never thought that I’d get here. I thought that this day would never come. I thought I’d flunk out completely.

But I didn’t.

Is it ridiculous or completely farfetched for me to think that this might be divine intervention? That perhaps me being here is for the right reasons? So many things have come my way, so many struggles and my choices have led me to this tiny room in the 22 storey apartment building. I cannot say for certain that I chose to be here, that I am 100% sure of my choices.. but I am here, that’s the point. I. am. here. And I don’t hate it as much any more. I find it challenging, I find it terrifying, I am intimidated by the magnitude of it all. But I don’t hate it. I used to. But now, I don’t. I am getting used to talking to patients, I am getting used to trying to charm the nurses and doctors into talking to us feeble med students. I am getting used to dealing with difficult people that I have to see 24/7. Last night, I went to what I can consider my first “social visit” to the penthouse to have dinner with two of my other friends (frankly, speaking I did help those boys cook but what they did make didn’t turn out too badly. And it was plenty of fun).

I am growing up and refocusing my thoughts is highly important. I am envious of the freedom my other friends have, I am still envious of those out of medical school because they can breathe easier, they aren’t quite as stressed out. But this is my path now, and I cannot fail.

Lord, give me the strength to figure this out.

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4 thoughts on “Taken from a book

  1. I wish I was 100% sure of my choices, too. I wish I had been more certain in the past so that I could have made better decisions and not feel as lost as I do right now =\

    Good luck on your unique journey of discovery and refocusing; and glad that you are beginning to find some peace in your new routine now ❤ /hugs

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    1. Hey Jess. I know how that feels. It’s not easy when so many major decisions need to be made within a short period of time. There is so much pressure to “make a decision NOW”, it’s ridiculous. We should be allowed to stop and breathe, to take time off without judgement.

      I hope you’ll be able to find a way to be happy with your own choices. It’s not easy and I wish there was a simple solution. Take a step back and review everything. I’m always willing to talk or listen if you want an external POV. hugs hugs hugs. 🙂

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