Lately I have not been sleeping well. There’s been this terrible anxious feeling that I get right before I go to bed. It’s awful. Isn’t it a little cliche to have dreary thoughts before your head lands on the pillow? I go to sleep with the worry and I wake up feeling them intensely. Obviously, it has to do with the fact that I am retaking my driver’s license exam tomorrow and getting my YEAR 2 final results on Friday.
I am terrified.
If I fail tomorrow, I will be miserable. I will have proven once again that I am incompetent in something. I passed everything the first time round, everything. But the last time.. I got distracted and I flunked. I flunked. I hate failing. I don’t think there is a single soul in the world that remotely enjoys the idea of completely crumbling. I don’t want to make the same mistake tomorrow. I want to walk out of that driving track and hold my head high, I want to pass. I want to finally get my license after losing it. I think about the steps I need to do when it comes to side-parking, going up that “hill thing” and the three pointer and it just makes me more anxious. I don’t know what to do.
Friday will make or break me. I’ve said it multiple times on this blog but this time I am genuinely afraid of seeing the FAIL in my records. I am scared out of my wits. Sometimes, I think I’m scared of seeing the PASS, too. I am still in that ship of not knowing where I belong and it’s horrible. But Friday will come and I will have to face the music: I just don’t know if I’ll like what I hear.
I am scared. I hope that I come back tomorrow to say that it went well. I hope I can say that. I want to. Let’s just see if the odds are in my favour this time.