My uncle is currently suffering from shingles, so my grandmother is staying with him at the moment. It’s been a tad tiresome because she basically guilted my mother into going all the way to my uncle’s place (it’s like a 40 minute drive away without the traffic jam) the day after we dropped her off initially because she needed to go the market to get certain groceries so she can cook a certain dish.

My mom works harder than most because she had to co-ordinate stuff at home and stuff at work, she’s suffering from severe carpometacarpal arthritis and cervical spondylolisthesis which she bears with, she wakes up in the middle of the night because of how painful it gets. And knowing all this my Lola makes her do all this work that is completely unnecessary. Like seriously, my uncle has a well-stocked fridge, she could easily make do with everything that’s already there. But naturally, she doesn’t. Somehow she still thinks of my mom as the gofer of the family just because she’s the oldest. I love my Lola but give my mom a break: she’s given more than enough for all her siblings. 

ahem. I had to get that off my chest, word rant over.

So anyway, I may not have mentioned it but I had breakfast with two of my good friends from high school on Thursday morning (before all that drama above). Like Suan Li mentioned, it’s hard to not fall into our old selves once we were all reunited. It’s been a rough few years when it comes to our relationships with each other, it’s been broken a few times and strained in a lot of others. I must say that it’s been my fault in a lot of those moments, I don’t know how to give, it’s been a difficult thing for me. In those few hours spent in the morning, we came to a point where we were actually finally having a deep conversation (which made me severely uncomfortable because I don’t do ‘face to face’ stuff) when we were kinda interrupted by the arrival of 2 other people, which ruined the whole thing. I don’t know whether to be happy or upset by it because I wanted to crawl into a hole while she was talking: I don’t do confrontations of any form, I end up keeping quiet. I was actually a little close to tearing up because I felt horrible for being a terrible friend, for making someone feel so bad about themselves. That was one of the times when I wanted to eat my words from last year but it’s not possible. There was much left unsaid because I had to leave not long after that. I wish I had more time to talk to them, I wish I could muster up the courage to say things out loud instead of clacking away at a keyboard. 


3 thoughts on “

  1. We should coordinate a group chat thingo at some point to SAMBUNG (what is the appropriate word in English ugh) that conversation. Whether face-to-face or online, as long as it’s something, because we were finally dealing with the tough crap and then suddenly potong stim =_=


      1. We talked about how potong stim it was, and Jess did continue to say she felt guilty for being a bad friend when we needed her most etc etc etc, but not for very long.


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