Dating advice from the perpetually single me

The allure of the complete arse to a woman is something that’s been recognised and well documented throughout the centuries. Case in point: Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice and maybe even real-life “bad boy” Prince Harry. Women are attracted to, for the lack of a more appropriate word, douche-bags. Every other movie or romance novel, is about a girl who goes after a guy who’s kind of a jerk or stand off-ish, but he changes for her. Or he has this back story about being “broken” or had a “abusive past”. Sometimes, he’s just a scumbag through and through.

But in all circumstances, well, most anyway, the girl falls for him, gets her heart slightly beaten up only to have him fall in love with her in the end. 

Such bullshit.

In real life, assholes remain assholes. And they don’t ever change. They manipulate you to believing that they’ve change because for some weird reason, you believe in them. They hold you in their clutches because they know your ultimate weakness is them. They lie to you, they pull wool over your eyes, convincing you that “deep down, they’re sweethearts”.

Nope. Don’t buy that.

If a guy is a jerk but you fall for him, don’t think he’ll change. If he was a tool beforehand, it’s likely that that nature will never leave him. No, I’m not speaking of having a bad day, I’m speaking about the guy who’s chronically a douche-bag.

If you are unfortunate enough to marry this guy, you’re in for a lifetime of misery. He’ll control you and he’ll break you, making you completely reliant on him. That’s the way he can make sure you never leave. He’ll do his best to alienate you from your friends and family, and maybe even make you quit your job. He hardly ever is nice to you. He may not physically hit you but the mental scars remain.

In the end, you’ll either die, stuck in miserable marriage or relationship, OR you’ll be lucky enough to have people who do their best to get you out of the situation.

Ladies, don’t date the bad boy. Again, I mean the chronically bad ones. Not the irritating guys who just don’t phrase sentences well. Not the ones who make the lamest jokes or argue with you over which superhero is the best. Not even the ones who just like fast cars or bikes, and wear leather jackets because they think they look cool [they usually do]. Bad boys are the ones who may look completely debonair but are snakes deep down, and you know they are: you just think you can change them.

It’s not worth it. Love someone who genuinely cares about you, who genuinely supports you. Someone you don’t feel like you need to change. Maybe you’d ask him to wear different shoes, but not have the need to give him a personality makeover. 

Spare yourself the hurt and find a nice guy. Nice guys may finish last, but they’re in it for the long run.


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