I feel old but not very wise

It’s going to be my birthday in a couple of days. I’ll be able to say that I have placed my teenage years behind me and stepped into my twenties. I don’t really have anything in mind as a present for my birthday (okay, so I actually want the jacket from Sons of Anarchy but that’s a whole different story.)  With all the deaths this week (THREE that have caused ripples in my own pond) I feel bad thinking of my own birthday. It’s a little tough trying to celebrate life when other people are mourning the loss of loved ones. My mind cannot help but think “what if those three deaths were even closer to home? what then…”

I think the lesson to be learnt here: Treasure those you love. I can’t help but feel it even more today because my mother was talking about how she wishes she could fly to Sabah to be with our family there but can’t because of work. She was talking about how she felt like she failed her cousin (my late cousin’s late  father, who was my mom’s best friend) since she promised to look out for his kids. My mom really loved that cousin of hers. She used to tell me stories about how much time they spent together as kids and how he would play Seasons in the Sun [which makes me cry now because of this story] on his guitar for her. That song seemed to be tailor made for him because the words were his life (he was the black sheep of the family, his daughter’s name is Michelle).  And now his son, who is also the sole breadwinner of his family (his mom and sister) is also gone. It’s just tough.

I know, death is part of the Circle of Life… it doesn’t make it any easier right? (Which is why I don’t understand why people murder other people; why killing is so easy to some. ) Hearing about loss makes you appreciate those you have with you even more. I just hope I never forget that.

My psychology lecturer (yes we learn psych too) says that when we should always learn to forgive because we may lose people without getting the chance to apologise (it is my personal opinion that psychology is a class in common sense). That hit home in this past few days.

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