musings of a cranky person

You know what I’ve learnt in the last week, well two weeks really? I am far more childish than I think I am. If you knew me when I was in secondary school, you’d know that the one thing I did.. a whole lot.. way embarrass myself by acting like complete weirdo. I’d be the one laughing like a freak or acting really foolish to hide my insecurities. Come on, if you looked like me (And were self conscious. If I had more confidence I’d probably be a better person), you’d be conditioned into being the “nice person who laughs way too much” (to the readers who have no idea what I look like, you’re better off not knowing. seriously).

I did think that I grew out of it, I thought I had my head screwed on tightly but surprise, surprise, I am just a pile of giggles and nonsensical behaviour. I managed to make a fool out of myself but talking like a tipsy fool and what about? Cartoons. and mammals that live in the sea. and fish. and insects. My course mates and the lab techs must think I’m a dolt.

Now is that necessarily a bad thing? Not if you’re younger than 20. You have all the right and permission to be ridiculous when you’re below 20. NOT when you’re a first year medical student. NOT when everyone else is far more matured than you are. Then you just look silly. Foolish. Asinine. Brainless. Frivolous. Featherbrained. Inappropriate.

So, yes, there was a lesson behind this rant: I should learn to shut up. I should learn to not blurt out everything that goes through my brain. I should learn to stop laughing. I should learn to hit freaking pause before opening my trap. Because I’m suppose to be an adult now and I need to start being one. Because people don’t always want to know EVERYTHING about you. Because you end up looking like a loser. Because you don’t break the ice.. you just drop the temperature further.

I need to change this..right?

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