This is not a story of a magical life or a fantasy. This is me, at 1.55am, writing because nothing else seems right to do at this moment. This is me when I’m a little hazy and a little broken.. when I’m a little too happy or too sad. This is just ramblings that I’ve decided to put here.
I am human.
I make mistakes. I make a whole lot of mistakes. I cry over the, I regret them the second I do make them and I resolve to be better.
I make people laugh. I wonder sometimes if I do that because I don’t want to feel self-conscious or because I really enjoy making other people happy.
I make people cry. Well, I’ve made my parents cry, which is the worst crime of all. Doesn’t that make me a brigand?
I make people hate me. Alright, perhaps hate is a strong word. I know people who dislike me. I know people who talk behind my back and make me cry.
I have people who love me. I have a regular family and regular friends, who simply are not regular in the way they care about me. I’m blessed.
I have love for people. I love my family and my friends; genuine affection that can stand the test of time. I love imaginary people… characters from books or shows which seems so close to me. Does that make me eccentric?
I have questions. There are days when I wonder if medicine is my calling or whether I should be a lab rat, because there are days when the latter seems more appealing than the former.
I have issues. I battle my own demons on a daily basis. I hate it when I completely crumble under the pressure of making the same mistakes over and over again. But I get up the next day and I try, once again, I try.
I seek purpose. Don’t we all look for that in life? We all want to know that there is ‘a plan’ written out somewhere so our lives here are not meaningless.
I seek inner peace. I’m tired of questioning myself and questioning others. I need to find a way to achieve a balance.
I am a daughter.
I am a sister.
I am a friend.
I am a person.
I am human.