I guess with being sick and all, I didn’t have the time to sum up 2011 in any way. I didn’t get to say what it meant to me or how it changed me or anything at all about the year. Then again, I have a supply of the memories that I did type out on this blog. 2011 isn’t really gone for me, that way.
But what did 2011 leave me with?
I guess, apart from new friends and people that have left an impact on my life, last year has taught me a big lesson; Never forget reality. I know, that probably sounds a little silly or empty to some of you. “Never forget reality? How can you forget reality?” The thing is, I did. I let my mind wander, I got very full of myself. I thought that whatever I wanted, I could achieve. I’m not defeatist, I’m just telling the truth. I thought that things were in my reach but they weren’t. I dreamed to far and too high only to have it crash at my feet.
I’m not saying that we shouldn’t dream or aspire to be good or great at something; I’m just saying that we need to be realistic. Goals that are set need to be something that is within your reach. Wise people told me that when you apply to schools, you apply to a few “reach schools” (AKA the ones that you only dream of getting into) but focus on your “safety schools”. There is no point in setting yourself up for disappointment. Disappointment sucks. No one wants to get hurt or discouraged so don’t put things into play that won’t work out. Or at least, be ready for the bricks to fall.
Being realistic also means putting in the work for something that you want to achieve. Nothing will come easy. If you want that A, you need to study. If you want your assignment to come out perfectly or close to perfection, you cannot slack off. I have friends who didn’t put in the work and found their world crashing around them. I pulled an all-nighter for the first time in my whole life. I never want to do that ever again. I learned the hard way and I don’t want that for you, dear reader. I know how it feels to just crawl into the corner of your room and try your best to muffle the sobs. I know how it feels to want to just give up. I didn’t put in the work that was needed to pull off the work that I had to do. I didn’t study hard enough, I didn’t focus. That’s a big regret. I set my heart on getting something but I didn’t bother with the actual effort. Don’t do that, reader. It’s not worth it. Even if you scrape by, the stress you put yourself through, it leaves a scar. You don’t trust yourself. Because of my mistakes, I had to kiss dreams goodbye, I had to give up what I held on to for years. My mistakes lead me there and I own up to them; I will bear the consequences.
So my 2012 starts with me knowing what I want. It start with me being a better person, a more determined person. I’m not perfect and I never will be. But I know better. I have pushed myself to the brink, I’ve stared at the abyss and I don’t want to be a part of it. I never want to walk that close to the edge ever again. So 2012, come what may, I will give you my all. I will not fail myself ever again. The hurt is too much.