December brings

I didn’t get the interview to Oxford. Sure, I’m bummed out. Why? The effort, the hell I put Mr Leonard through, the money my parents spent. I hate it. I hate that I let people down. I hate that I thought I would be so lucky to get there. I could used the cash for the BMAT for something else. I could have made things easier for my mentor who almost died (and almost murdered me for applying to a big school). This was cursed from the start wasn’t it?

All of that just makes me rethink what I should do with my life. Medicine is costly. That’s what scares me the most. Not the work, not the hours, not the effort. It’s how much my parents will be spending. This morning I told my mom that if I don’t get into any of the places I applied to, I’d just do accounting. True to form, she told me that if I didn’t get in, we’d try again. If I don’t get into the places I applied, we’ll try again. That just broke my heart. To think that she’d rather work all her life for me to get what I want. I’m so blessed to have parents who want me to be happy. I’m blessed that they don’t want me to choose the easier option for our finances. I am blessed to have the parents who support me with everything they’ve got. They’d rather not have a home for the rest of their lives than to see me unhappy in a career.

I’m grateful for them. For all the crap that I saw about my family sometimes, I love them to death.My brother is my best friend, as I constantly remind him much to his chagrin. My brother does everything I could possibly ask for. He’d get mad at me and complain but if I need him to be there, he is. He shows up when I need him the most. He stands up for me to my parents. He takes me out when I ask him to. He’ll chaperone whenever he can. I don’t know how many people have a brother like that. Sure we fight a lot, but in the end, he’s there, like he always has been. I’m not sure if I’ve ever thanked him enough.

My parents have always pushed me to be better. Did I tell you that the only reason I participated in Godspell (the first musical I’ve ever been in) when I was in Form 4 was because my mom threatened to disown me. She knew how much I really wanted to be a part of it. She also knew that I was a complete scaredy cat. The only way she could get me to join was by threats. I don’t know what the heck she would have done if I didn’t audition but it worked, and I got the part. My father attended my second musical last year, the first time he’s ever attended anything I’ve been in. That meant the world to me.

Gah, I’m being so sappy lately huh? Hormone levels must be all over the place with good reason. Oh well. I didn’t MAKE you read this anyway. :p

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