i wait to cry ‘surrender’

So I have 3 out of 4 of my trial exam results back. I barely passed Physics, I didn’t do great for either Math or Chemistry. I have only told my mother about the Chemistry marks. I wonder how she’ll react to my almost fail in the science of atoms, energy and kinetics.

So how do I feel after all that? I’m not feeling too good, I can tell you that. I know I have done worse for Physics in Form 4 but then again, I had to get a tutor to make me good at it. This time,it’s my fault. I cannot be running of to tuition because frankly, it is too late. It’s time to do my own work 24-7. It’s times like this that you feel completely crappy for the mistakes that are completely avoidable. When you have friends who are doing better than you, you can’t help but feel dumb. But this time, I refuse to cry. I’ve cried the whole Nile and probably caused the rain we’ve been having lately. Tears aren’t going to bring me anywhere. Moving on would.

I know very well that this is going to be a struggle. I am bound to the Internet. I’m in a complicating hate-love relationship with the cyber-world that has always been “hot and heavy” but right now what’s best for me is a cooling off period. That would be best for my sanity right? This is one of those “it’s me not you” situations. I don’t know how I’m going to break it to him.

My finals AKA The A2 Exams are in 6 weeks or so. We only have 3 weeks of classes left. That is scary quick right? I’m terrified. I’m literally shaking with fear. I don’t know if I’ll be ready to do battle by then. I don’t know if I’d be able to trust myself in these coming days to choose the right thing. I know how easily I am tempted with entertainment. I shall hone all my frustration and focus on the fact that I’ll see David Foster (my music idol) in October and worship at the feet of Broadway when I watch “Wicked” in December. The “little” things. haha. They’re not little things really. My life revolved around Wicked for a while back then and I’ve always wanted to see it. Now I can. And David Foster? He’s discovered so many people that I listen to. Of course I am more than psyched to watch him live. 😀 😀 😀