faith

If you’re down, there is only one person who can give you that love and security that you need: God.

I know those of you who probably aren’t religious or even have a faith probably think I’m going off on one of my spiritual tangents again. I can’t twist your arm to read this but its something that I feel the need to write about.

Sometimes in the depth of your despair and hurt, you can’t find anyone to turn to. You can’t see the way out. You wallow in your sadness and cry. I’ve been there many times. When I’m upset I do two things: I get angry and I get hysterical. I am such a drama queen that I do the whole “curl up in a ball/ throw things around/ hurt myself” rigmarole. After that I do feel ridiculous but while I’m in it, I sink into such a state that sometimes can push you over the edge completely.

The only thing that ever helps me when I get that upset is prayer. That one moment of crying out to God does wonders. That total surrender when you’ve hit rock bottom is what keeps me sane after that. Its that saving grace from Him who loves us is my lifeboat. Without Him, without that strength that He gives me, I doubt I could carry on.

God may not answer your prayers directly. He may not even seem to answer them at all. But when he does, you feel it in unexpected ways.

I lost a dear friend when I was 14. Her name was Melanie. Although I only met her online, she gave me the support I needed when I was that careless bloody-minded person.  She passed away of muscular dystrophy on the 11th of November 2006. I cried for hours in my room. I blamed God for giving me that one person who helped me through my silliness and opened my eyes to faith only to rob me off her. It was only when I went for a retreat in 2007 that I came to terms with that hurt and anger I had towards Him for stealing Melanie away from me. I learned to lean on God and to trust that she was with the angels singing the hymns she so loved. I learned so much from her that I had to share it. God built that bridge in my heart through her and for that I’ll always be grateful.

Lately with all the nonsensical things I’ve been struggling with, finding forgiveness in Him has helped me move forward and to look to the future. Its a daily struggle but knowing that there is a bigger plan helps to move my feet to the correct path.

If you ever struggle with anything.. silly, petty or huge, just say a little prayer. Even if its to a God you’re not so sure you believe in, just say a little prayer. It may help you. Just try.

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