Hints on the jokes you probably won’t get unless you’re me.
1. The English teacher is David Tennant, who played the Doctor for 4 seasons in “Doctor Who”
2. Billie Piper played ‘Rose’ in Doctor Who, the most famous companion to the Doctor who the Doctor fell in love with though they got separated after that.
3.Catherine Tate (aka the red headed girl) was also a companion for a season (or so) of Doctor Who after Billie Piper.
4.”Bovvered” is Catherine Tate’s slang for ‘bothered’.
5. The thing he whips out of his jacked is the Doctor’s “Sonic” screwdriver which is basically a skeleton key/healing thing/Inspector Gadget’s tools in one.
6. The little toy he turns her into is a model of ‘Rose’. Hence the Shakespeare joke “A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet” taken from Romeo and Juliet.