error

You know the feeling when you could have done better but unfortunately you were too stupid to think of dong better. Somehow in your head, mediocrity was enough? Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. But right now I feel like a pile of rubbish at the bottom of a food chain that even a Gnoll wouldn’t touch. I feel like dust on the street that people don’t take notice of and take for granted. I feel horrid.

Its hearing that you’re a disappointment to someone that feels like a punch in the gut. I wish I had more sense. I should have done better. I would have done better if I had better control over the way I spend my time. I keep saying that I need to be better. I keep saying that its the final time. But here we are again. Mr. Mediocrity and Mr. Procrastination have kept me an unwilling prisoner of their friendship. Damn me for being so foolish to keep these useless ties so close and dear.

I am a disappointment. I know I am. I disappointed myself, I disappointed my teachers, I disappointed my family. Clearly I cannot be a bubble of joy right now. What is wrong with me? 😦 Why can’t I fix myself? Why do I repeat this? I’m so familiar with this tune I can play it with my eyes closed.

Can I get my whole self “reformatted” like a PC?

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2 thoughts on “error

  1. I’m guessing this is the outcome of the beat-myself-up-about-being-online? *sighs* I know better than to pujuk you to feel better so go ahead and wallow in these feelings. BUT, only till before you sleep tonight. All negativity MUST be gone in the morning. You’re good, Grace. You have to believe that. And I would never want to reprogramme you because that will change the Grace that I know and love best. Hang in there, okay? And don’t be easily discouraged. DON’T QUIT

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