change

September 16, 2014 § Leave a comment

meta

 

I thought I’d try something new this time, instead of writing, I‘m talking out loud. Yes, that’s a link.

 

a long day

September 15, 2014 § Leave a comment

Today has been exhausting. I went for ward rounds, clerked patients till half past 11am. Then, I crashed another bedside at 2pm till 4pm, waited in the wards for my bedside which was postponed till 6pm. I got back at 8pm, went for a quick dinner at McD and was done at 9pm. I am exhausted.

Not that anyone truly cares about the woes of being a certain group, my fried Lyn is talking to me and the other 2 group mates but she isn’t talking to my housemate. Hah. Is it terrible that I don’t quite mind the whole drama as long as I am out of it? It is isn’t it? But I frankly don’t care as long as the group dynamic, per se, isn’t completely ruined. As long as she’s talking to me, I’m good.

Yes, yes, I’m a terrible friend. But let’s put it this way, in a professional working environment, not everyone gets along. However, you must always put on your best face to get through these things. Act like nothing is wrong, be professional and polite, regardless of your own personal grudges.

In other news, I really want to have a plant in my room. I don’t know why but I have this desperate need to have a small potted plant on my table or something. A cactus perhaps. Now, where can I get one in Johor Baru?

 

 

listen

September 14, 2014 § Leave a comment

Do you ever have those nights when you’re alone and all you truly need to care about is your own mind?

I sit here with my fan on Medium, acting as a loud white-noise machine, filtering my thoughts so that they can simply remain my own. It’s times like these that I feel the need to contemplate every decision I have ever made, all my relationships with the world and my relationship with myself. I question my own actions, be it the ones I have committed lately or those that have occurred months or maybe years ago. It is one of those times when I can see my past life and my present so carefully laid out in chronological order.

I think of what I need to accomplish tomorrow, about how I regret the misuse of the time I was given today. I am overthinking again. I can’t help it. It is simply one of those nights.

I wonder if anyone else gets that way.

I’m not a Fashionista but

September 13, 2014 § Leave a comment

fashion

What may surprise people about me, because of how I normally dress, is that I actually like fashion and beauty. I may not look it but I enjoy clothes and dressing up. Unfortunately, that’s not always easy when you’re not the average size of the people your age in the same country. Clothes are scarce or really expensive. Such a travesty no? It’s terrible that people forget that everyone wants to look good.

What comes to mind when you see someone who wears make-up and dresses up for daily life?

It used to be a popular concept that these people who put in effort would be deemed as ‘superficial’ or ‘vain’ or ‘shallow’. I used to subscribe to that belief. I used to look at those sort of girls and think ‘Wow, you must preen in front of the mirror just for attention’. But growing older has taught me that I was so wrong. People dress to look good because they want to feel good. Some people love wearing slightly fancier clothes or styling their hair or wearing make-up because they like it.

Part of this understanding started because of my own sudden desire to dabble into this world. I watch a lot of Project Runway, On the Line, the Behind the Scenes with (Insert the name of a designer here). If you check  the blogs I follow on my Bloglovin account, I dare say more than half are fashion/beauty related. So yes, lots of research, watching tutorials, following beauty blogs has shown me that there is a lot of effort to look ‘effortless’. It is no joke spending half an hour just putting up your hair in the right top knot. It is exhausting finding the right foundation to match your skin tone, applying it correctly and then contouring your face, putting on eyeliner in just the right way, concealing any blemishes, using shimmery powder to illuminate your face so that the light hits you in the right way. It is a LOT of work. No one does it unless they like it.

One of the most popular tips for success is to ‘dress for the life you want, not for the life you’re leading’. This doesn’t always mean you have to reach beyond your own financial capabilities. Just ironing your clothes, putting together something that looks more professional, deciding to change your hairstyle.. those little things can go a long way. And if you’re able to, buy a staple piece that can be worked into many looks. I’m no expert but that’s the advice you read and hear everywhere.

Sure, the fashion world may be ‘superficial’ by placing unfair standards and charging a hundred dollars, sometimes thousands on an item of clothing but we can never forget that fashion is a form of art. It’s meant to be extravagant and ridiculous at some points. Humans are themselves intricate works of art, why shouldn’t we be allowed to seek beauty?

I’m not saying that you have to dress up. I’m not saying external beauty trumps all. I’m saying that if you want to put your toe into the pond, go ahead. There should be not stigma associated with wanting to take a lot more time to make yourself look a certain way if it helps you feel better about yourself.

places barrel into mouth

September 12, 2014 § Leave a comment

self

 

Gah. I have such drama in a tiny group of 5 people, you’d think we were a soap opera. I am just so fed up with the rubbish that’s going on. I need to vent, so here we go:

I have this group member, who’s nickname is Lyn. I’m not even going to change her name for the sake of convenience. Lyn and I were never great friends in Year 1 and 2 but I always considered her drama free. And I guess at the core of it all, she is drama free. I have 2 other guys in my group: my housemate (our group leader) and another guy who’s known to be a bit .. dramatic. As you have read from my previous rants about my housemate, he’s pretty dramatic too. I don’t mind them so much, I like them. Sure, too much bitchy comments just make me want to keel over and die sometimes but in general, I get along well with them.

But the combination of these 2 guys and Lyn has turned our little subgroup into a warzone. Lyn is quite straight-laced. There’s venom underneath that surface of smiles but she only keeps it for when she’s really hurt or bitter. Venom flows through the blood of the other 2, so their comments can be pretty cutting. Lyn is not the type to fight back to comments of her own or to take teasing well; she doesn’t defend herself well. I do. If I get mad, the claws come out, which is why they called me a Vileplume: I can sting.

Here’s one of the previous dramatic moments we’ve had a few months ago. This is me attempting to patch things up:

Screen Shot 2014-09-12 at 8.28.24 PM Screen Shot 2014-09-12 at 8.28.40 PM

 

Today, all hell broke loose. You see, Lyn doesn’t have the right sort of Internet that allows her to keep updated with Whatsapp. We use Whatsapp as a group to discuss stuff, and today, it was the change in the timing for today’s Pathology class. It was a last minute thing and we all forgot to inform her. Class was moved half an hour earlier. So at 2.30pm, when we realised she was missing, I called her only to find out that she wasn’t aware of it. She was in the building luckily and managed to come into class a few minutes late. Unfortunately, our new tutor addressed her as ‘The girl who came in last’, which clearly made her super emotional. She was very quiet through the whole class and when she apologised to our tutor at the end of class, she was close to tears. We didn’t see her after that, she made a rapid exit.

Here’s the thing though:

She was in uni the whole time. She has Wifi access there. She could have checked her messages. But she didn’t. She simply chose not to. We have to specifically text her or send her messages on Facebook to inform her of any changes. Believe me, when it comes to making decisions, it’s tiresome when you have to repeat a conversation to someone else. It’s tiring trying to take care of them. I have tried my best to be as accommodating as I can but sometimes things slip through the cracks.

My housemate sent her a text apologising for not telling her about it because he genuinely forgot. She replied a few hours later saying “Apology not accepted” along with statements saying ‘this isn’t the first time. I see that this group just doesn’t work.’ I can’t help but be annoyed. I get where she’s coming from, I do. but damn it, we cannot baby you. You need to grow a spine, shout at us or something. Figure out a way to make sure you’re in the loop. Being so relient on people is not a good look. People get tired. Even people who try oh-so-hard.

I don’t know how to fix this. It just ruined my day, it’ll affect my mind this whole weekend. I have no words. Gah. I have half a mind to see our group tutor to solve this. I am just so fed up.

 

5 More Movies

September 12, 2014 § 2 Comments

movies

 

The first Five Friday was about my 5 favourite movies to watch when I’m in a rut or feeling blue. Here are 5 more for this week’s Five Friday.

1. Julie & Julia

How can you not adore this story? If you have not watched this movie (Jessica, I’m looking at you), I highly recommend that you do. Julie and Julia is based on the true story of how Julia Childs inspired a woman from Queens, Julie Powell to discover herself, and more importantly, learn to cook. As a novice in the kitchen myself, I find this movie such a darling to watch, though of course, it makes you hungry almost instantly.

 

2. The Muppets

I like Amy Adams, so be it. If you are remotely familiar with The Muppets, I think you’ll like this movie. I remember watching this with my brother and being the only 2 who were truly excited about certain parts (the rest of the audience was mostly parents with their kids). It’s full of songs, cameos by a bunch of famous people and best of all, it has heart.

 

3. You’ve Got Mail

I can’t believe I forgot to put this one up there before. Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks falling love, ala Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy (though of course, not really) will always be a delight. The story of how the Internet brought two like-minded people together is something that’s still being told and retold till today. I don’t care if you’re a guy or a girl, you will enjoy this movie.

 

4. Bridget Jones’s Diary 

Remember when Renee Zellweger brought this movie to life with her charming, well rehearsed and quite convincing English accent? Remember when Colin Firth played Mr. Darcy all over again, except now he actually punches people? This movie is a classic. Again, surprising if you’ve not watched it. I can always relate to Bridget screwing up her life but the bits that she does do right end up inspiring me again and again.

 

5. Penelope

Put James McAvoy in a movie and I’m likely to watch it. Make the movie visually appealing and produced by Reese Witherspoon’s company, and I’m more likely to watch it. Penelope is about a young girl born the nose of a pig due to a curse cast by the town’s resident witch ages before, because the son of that family jilted her daughter. This movie is well made. The script is good, Christina Ricci and James McAvoy have wonderful chemistry and of course, there’s this scene:

Watch it. You will not be disappointed.

If you have not watched any or some of those movies, I hope you give them a try. They’re likely to brighten your day. :)

15

September 11, 2014 § Leave a comment

5+6+4

I have never been happier to see a damn 15/20.

I interviewed a nice man, a bit talkative, being 66 and all but it wasn’t as stressful as I predicted it to be. My tutor was quite supportive throughout the interview process (an unusual scenario because normally they don’t prompt you) and we discussed the case after. As usual, I was a ball of anxiety in the morning. You can imagine the euphoria I felt when I saw how much I got. This is the same tutor that made people cry, not because he’s mean but because he grades really strictly. I either caught him in the best mood ever, or he has a soft spot for me because he used to be my PBL tutor, or I did well in general. Thank you God! And thank you to all of you who have kindly supported me through it. I’m just grateful it’s over.

I spent the afternoon wisely, cleaning my room, cleaning the rest of the apartment and finally doing some exercise. It feels good to actually do things properly once in a while. I just pray for the endurance to ‘stay good’.

Speaking of prayer, today is the 47th anniversary of my grandfather’s death and the anniversary of the horror that was 9/11. Every year I pray a rosary for him and for them. It’s always a little chilling today, especially when you forget the date and only notice it when you check the calendar. I am often terrible with dates that way.

I’m starting to ramble. It’s almost midnight here and I’m a bit drugged up with an anti-histamine that has sedative properties. Good night dear world. I hope you all have a wonderful day.

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