up and down

August 27, 2014 § Leave a comment

it has been a while since a book has consumed my brain so quickly that I could not put it down. 

I bought Rainbow Rowell’s “Eleanor and Park” and “Fangirl” online and when the books came in the mail yesterday, I basically ripped open the packaging and started on the first one. I couldn’t stop reading. It has been so long since I could just pick up a book and read and read and read. I usually feel guilty and end up putting it down but that’s not the case for this book. I just devoured it completely, with dinner and a phone call interrupting me in between. I completely blame 2 of my friends for recommending it: Helen and Jessica, my exhausted body and mind blame you at 6 something in the morning. 

I think I shall start Fangirl this evening, if I have time. I’m probably going to read it in one sitting too. Oh dear.


 

In other news, I’ve noticed when one aspect of your life goes down, the rest tend to fall to pieces too. Is that just me or is it a common phenomenon? 

I’ve been a bit frazzle in the past few days and as a result, I’ve made a few judgement errors along the way. Thankfully, not all these errors are so terrible that I can’t fix them, but they’re pretty bad errors too. I mixed up shipping others, got confused with Paypal, my phone line got barred for a few hours yesterday due to billing issues. In general, not a good time.

But I’m trying to smile through it all. Yes, smiling. That’s suppose to help, right?

 

that Britney song

August 26, 2014 § Leave a comment

crau

Does anyone have things that drive them nuts? Things that completely infuriate you, that is. It doesn’t have to be big things like ‘injustice’ or ‘communism’, do you have anything that ticks you off completely?

For me, tardiness has to be up there. I know, there’s the thing about ‘Malaysian timing’ but that’s not true. Most of us would prefer it if people showed up on time. But do they? No. And that’s pretty unacceptable. If you’re late for real reasons, fine. But if you’re just late or you flake at the last minute without a proper one, I’m easily annoyed.

I also hate it when people gang up to bully someone. I don’t mean teasing, because there’s a difference. I’m talking about passive aggressive comments, not allowing the other person to defend themselves, shooting down every response from the person. It doesn’t have to be physical for it to be considered bullying, you know? Even if I don’t like the ‘victim’ in the situation, I tend to side with them because it’s so freaking unfair.

Another one that riles me up is when people comment sarcastically on the money you spend. I have mentioned before that my housemate does it, and it pisses me off to no end. Can you stop with the “Wow, that’s a new bag. How much did it cost? Tell me, tell me, tell me. Wow, it must have cost a lot then. So fancy! You’re getting an upgrade in life, huh? Wow, you must be so rich!” ? It is so annoying I want to decapitate him.

I have been telling myself lately to let these things pass and take a deep breath when dealing with these sorts of things because I probably do stuff that piss people off too. A deep breath and counting to 10 is suppose to help. but gosh, there are days when I just want to go all Vesuvius on them.

 

happy happy happy

August 25, 2014 § Leave a comment

I fly home on Thursday night and I cannot wait. It keeps raining here in JB. Literal rain and metaphorical. My housemate came back yesterday night with a bad temper and he’s continued it today. I am not one to judge and be cruel about it, seeing as I threw a whole tantrum myself 2 weeks ago. But it’s a selective anger, which makes me wonder if it’s partially directed at me. I’m not the confrontational type, unfortunately, so I may never find out.

Anyway, I have decided that despite my own personal raincloud, I am going to attempt to put on a brave face and smile every day. I shouldn’t add to the dark clouds already right? It’s time to fake it till you make it. And because I had a lot of time on the weekend, here’s a video to illustrate that:

 

Just a little something

August 24, 2014 § Leave a comment

An important lesson for all. 

okay?

August 23, 2014 § Leave a comment

okay

I spent a whole day without people around me. I only went out once, to buy Milo, chips and raisins (no, I had real food for meals, the snacks are for Doctor Who tomorrow). I watched shows in bed, I cleaned up a bit more, did the laundry and not much else. 

I am alone.

And that’s okay.

There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely. You can be with people and completely lonely, just as you can be alone and fine. Those two are mutually exclusive, though not necessarily so.

I like being alone. I’m mostly introverted, so being alone suits me. I’m not necessarily a big fan of lonely but I like alone. He and I get along well. Today, I didn’t feel the need to have friends around, talk to people in particular or go look for something with company. I was good just being by myself. When I go back for the holidays, I usually am alone. Sure, I have my beautiful four legged friends but in general, I’m people-less for most of the day. I have gotten used to Alone.

Being alone is good sometimes. When you’re in medical school, you spend almost 100% of your time surrounded by lecturers, colleagues, hospital staff or patients. There isn’t much ‘alone’. But you can get really lonely. I often feel that way. You have all these people who talk to you, people you actually communicate with on a daily basis but you’re sometimes starved of a connection. 

I am grateful for this alone time because then, I can connect with me. That’s probably the most important relationship aside from the one you have with the supernatural being of your choice. Connecting with YOU, that’s tough, especially when you have so many voices around that demand your attention.

Being alone helps with that. Try it out. Be alone and I mean, completely alone for a few hours or a day or a weekend, if possible. Take that time, be alone with you, and see what you find.

5 memories

August 22, 2014 § Leave a comment

Today, the bodies of the victims of the MH17 crash returned to the country and I can’t help but feel sad all over again. But I don’t want to dwell on the sad thoughts because what MH17 has taught me the most is to appreciate the ones I love. So, here’s 5 memories of loved ones that I hold on to.

1. Surprising my grandmother on her birthday last year.

My whole family kept this big secret and had a big bash for my Lola last year. We flew back without her knowing and waited at the restaurant that they booked. She was so surprised and so happy. I’ll never forget that.

2. Having my mom’s side of the family over for Christmas for the first time

Family relationships have always been a little strained, especially for my dad. So, when he agreed to have the annual Christmas get-together at our place about 4 years? 3 years? ago, it was huge. He was polite, he was happy, he laughed, he charmed everyone. That was so rare and meant a lot to my mother.

3. The day my dad came for one of my stage performances

It’s silly but my father doesn’t do church or church activities. He’s not Catholic to begin with. But 3 years ago, when I did The Witness, he turned up. He came and supported me, he clapped, he came for one performance. He doesn’t usually come for anything my brother or I do. But he came for this.

4. Watching a movie with only my brother for the first time

We watched Phantom of the Opera in the cinema by ourselves in December 2004. It was the first time we both went out for a movie without our parents. And it’s been a tradition. Aaron and I watch almost every movie we both want to together. We go for the opening weekend show or we wait for when the other person is free. It isn’t much but it’s something we’ve done ever since.

5. Leaving home for the first time

That is super recent but the day I left for JB was an awful day for me. I cried so much, my mom cried hugging me goodbye, my dad wasn’t in a great mood but he mustered up some sentimental thoughts. It was hard for me. I didn’t want to go. But i have grown since then, since the tearful 6 hours drive stuck in traffic. I’m alone for this weekend and I’m okay with that. I don’t mind it. 

I like to hold on to memories like these and other that I have because life is so short. If a freak mishap like the downing of flight MH17 has taught you nothing about international relations and the horrors of war, let it at least teach you to love your family, your friends and those important to you. Things can change so drastically. Learn to hold on to what you have.

#Remake

August 21, 2014 § Leave a comment

So, the pilot for Selfie came out less than 24 hours ago. Here’s the tweet to prove it, here’s the link to actually watch it online, legally.

 

Screen Shot 2014-08-21 at 8.53.54 PM

 

This show is a retelling of Pygmalion, the famous play by George Bernard Shaw, more famously known as the musical My Fair Lady. Karen Gillan (of Doctor Who fame) plays Eliza Dooley, a social media obsessed sales person and Henry Higgins is played by John Cho, the head marketer of the same company. Basically, she ends up majorly screwing up and asks to be remade. 

Have you ever experienced that? The need to remake yourself?

I know I have. I get these urges to fix myself or to fix my room, my life, my anything. And I want to do something major each time. I want to cut my hair or start a new project. Something. Sometimes I actually do it, like when I painted my room or painted the house. I love remaking things.

There is such a lovely sense of accomplishment when you renew yourself. I love the feeling. It makes you feel like you have a clean slate. And who doesn’t like a clean start to anything?

I have this weekend free from my housemates. Yes, I shall be home alone. And I love it. I can pretend that this place is all mine. Ridiculous, I know but there’s something so freeing but being alone. I can sit outside beside the modem and have excellent internet, I can workout and run around the house, instead of being confined to my room. I CAN CLEAN my room and the kitchen without having to worry that my housemates would be bothered by the noise.

This weekend, I’m thoroughly cleaning and scrubbing everything. I’m probably going to cook most of my meals, unless I decide to skip (ha ha). I shall wash my sheets, rearrange my room, vaccuum. I know, I’m weird for loving to clean stuff. 

I’m going back next weekend. And I think I will get that haircut. Maybe this time, I’ll be brave enough to get more than an inch chopped off. I have this urge to start anew. I can start that process tomorrow evening. I am very excited.

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